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“American Horror Story Coven” Educational Recap: "Boy Parts"

american horror story coven

This week, American Horror Story: Coven's spellbinding sisterhood closes ranks when threatened by a nosy detective. Also, it's revealed that the witching world is still working on a pretty serious racial divide, though I can see how people who were alive when slavery was legal might have some feelings about the issue.

Let’s explore what we can learn from their centuries of wisdom.

 Coven-tional Wisdom: The 4 Lessons Of American Horror Story Coven This Week


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LESSON ONE: Kill them with kindness

If some horrible snob is trying to steal your boyfriend or tearing your community apart with a campaign of systematic torture, petty revenge is just lazy. As Marie Laveau has shown us, the obvious answer isn’t always the best one. All Madame LaLaurie ever wanted was prolonged youth, so why not give it to her? Sometimes it’s better to build a bridge than to burn one.

On the other hand, I wouldn’t file "murdering someone's family and then burying her alive for 180 years" under the “kindness” heading.


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LESSON TWO: When opportunity knocks, answer

Life doesn’t always go as planned, but Hollywood brat Madison teaches us to view our surroundings honestly and use what we’ve got to our advantage. When life give you lemons, make lemonade—even if those lemons are all chopped up and modly. Hoping to resurrect Zoe's deceased love interest, she ends up creating a Frankenboyfriend out disassembled frat douchebags. Secondary lesson: it pays to know how to sew.


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LESSON THREE: Keep the romance alive

You’re busy with work. He’s tired. The discount sushi you had for lunch suddenly seems like a bad idea. There are a million reasons why people in a long-term monogamous relationship might not feel that sexy spark. Does Cordelia let the flame flicker and die? Absolutely not—she shows us that it’s okay to get a little creative in the bedroom. Don’t be shy about adding a new trick to your sexual repertoire, whether it be a blindfold, a costume or a fiery circle of live serpents. The couple that plays together, stays together.


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LESSON FOUR: Whistle while you work

Each of us, I’m sure, has spent hours micromanaging a playlist for an upcoming road trip or building the perfect compilation of dance jams to kick the party into high gear. The right music can enhance any experience—from cleaning your apartment to getting intimate with that special someone (see previous lesson). Zoe likes to rock to some dubstep while she raises the dead, while Misty prefers a little Fleetwood Mac.  Secondary lesson: Know who the hell Stevie Nicks is.

Related: More American Horror Story Coven on NewNowNext

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