Not everyone can pull off a stunning mugshot. In fact, most can’t. In fact, only Jane Fonda, Suzanne Somers, and these 10 men can pull it off. In honor of Justin Bieber’s photogenic brush with law enforcement, here are the 10 gents who do jail realness best. (I didn’t include the men convicted of actually maiming somebody else. Let this be a lesson to you, Sid Vicious.)
10. Hugh Grant
If you’re charmed by Hugh Grant on film, you can’t help but be wooed by his similarly impish, visibly uncomfortable work here. I love that his hair and choice in t-shirt prints are both divine and brown.
9. Justin Bieber
Look, Justin Bieber’s fine work in mugshot mugging can’t be denied. His hair hasn’t lost its cockatiel magic and he still has that adorable Christopher Robin glint in his eye. Hell, he looks like a perfectly salable Proactiv “before” photo. We all have blowups!
8. John Mayer
This makes me nostalgic for Room for Squares John Mayer, the one who wears unthinkably huge cargo shorts and promises us there’s no such thing as the real world. In 2001 he was arrested for driving with a suspended license, but he should really be suspended for wearing that Kohl’s shirt after 1994. Nice, pert lip angst though.
7. 50 Cent
19-year-old Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson has still got major angles going on in this photo from his time he served for peddling heroin and crack cocaine. Seriously, take out the identification card and height chart, and you’d think Herb Ritts took this photo. Love will never do (without 50).
6. Christian Slater
Criminal possession of a weapon at an airport. That’ll get ya every time. But my God: This was taken in 1994, yet Mr. Slater looks like he sauntered right out of Heathers. Also: His hotness is a victory for men with close-set eyes everywhere. The sinister eyebrows help.
5. Sergei Federov
A couple of unbelievable things: 1) I know who this is! He was a hockey player for the Detroit Red Wings who married Anna Kournikova for a couple years. 2) G’damn! In 2001 Federov was arrested for driving while impaired, but he clearly had the good judgment to wear a Banana Republic sweater from exactly 2001. Face it, this is stunning work and his stare is aloof and piercing like everything Russian we’ve ever cared about.
4. Deion Sanders
I love a mug shot that makes me feel good inside. Look at Deion Sanders! He was arrested once for fishing on a private lake. And it was apparently the best time a human being ever had, because he’s glowing like the Aurora Borealis here. When you’re a two-sport athlete on top of the world in 1996, why not enjoy some illicit trout every so often?
3. Chace Crawford
This is going to make you lose all respect for Chace Crawford, but apparently he touched marijuana once. Crying rn, tbh. His childish pout is just bracing here, and it’s clear he prefers to express rage through messy bangs. Let’s sigh at this for another hour.
2. David Bowie
IN YOUR FACE. This 1976 marijuana bust shot defies space and time, bringing you palpable glamor. The ruddiness of the photo actually works in Bowie’s favor; he’s inventing Instagram and Tilda Swinton in a major way. LOOK AT HIM. I bet that suit would look kickass on Iman.
1. Woody Harrelson
Controversial #1, but look at the facts: 1) Harrelson was arrested for “allegedly dancing in the middle of a busy road and trying to run away from the cops.” We’ve all been there. 2) That perfect 1982 shirt. 3) The tough-as-hell grimace. 4) That neck. 5) That sandy hair. 6) The nerve. With apologies to Nicholas Colasanto, this picture should’ve gotten Woody hired on Cheers immediately.