Critics Don’t Like ‘Battleship’, We Love Tim Riggins

Hey beautiful.

Critics seem to have no love for Battleship, opening this weekend in the US after posting impressive worldwide numbers. And you know what we say to those critics? Shut your mouth and admire Tim Riggins. And Eric Northman. And Rihanna and Brooklyn Decker.

Texas Marines forever.

“Can you aim lower? Battleship is all noise and crashing metal, sinking to the shallows of Bay’s Armageddon and then digging to the brain-extinction level of the Transformers trilogy.” – Rolling Stone

“ Battleship is the worst humans-fighting-aliens movie I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen a lot of humans-fighting-aliens movies.” – NY Daily News 

“An old-farts sequence of USS Missouri vets getting in on the payback might stir the heartstrings of mission-accomplished types, but little else will grab anyone who actually recalls playing the board game. For a second, the alien munitions look a lot like those peg pieces that would get lost under the couch cushions. Bring on the big-screen Monopoly—I’m not even kidding, unfortunately.” – Time Out

Battleship, the latest filmmaking project of the Hasbro toy company, has a plot as unambitious as a macaroni dinner, familiar and easy to eat and not particularly nutritious. It is likely to remind you variously of Independence Day, Armageddon, War of the Worlds and assorted other space-based yarns. Which of course means there’s never much doubt about how it will end.” – NY Times