Darren Criss Tackles Oscar Wilde, Elton John Forgives D&G, Lily Tomlin Thinks Trump Capable Of Anything: MEME

"Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse" does more harm to scouting than gay leaders, Ben Carson wants to use armed drones on U.S. soil, Sir Ian says actors in closet prisoners of their representation

Lily Tomlin
Lily Tomlin is amazed at the progress for equality. “It’s been dumbfounding to me how the gay community has been so successful in progressing. I think it’s a matter of enough kids coming out to their parents and their neighbors and their relatives — and slowly, it burgeoned into a big awareness that my kid is gay, or my grandchild, or the kid around the corner. It’s made people soften, and then suddenly we’re enveloped and assimilated into the culture. And I thought it was amazing and remarkable.

She also has some interesting thoughts on Donald Trump. “I wonder what he would do. You don’t know what he would do. C’mon, he’s liable to do anything, good or bad. Well, I think he’s capable of anything, if it would work for him or profit him or just be of the moment. It might be good to have a guy like that in the White House. I mean, it couldn’t be any worse than some of the others who wanna get in there.

A new survey shows that British men are feeling the pressure to have better bodies, and it’s getting worse, with 82% saying they “feel more stressed about not having an impressive physique than they did five years ago.” Only 4% said they were happy with their bodies, with 50% citing beer bellies, 14% their chests, and 10% their legs as their biggest issue.

With the signature of Governor Bruce Rauner, Illinois has become the fourth state to outlaw reparative therapy for minors. Counselors found practicing the harmful therapy face fines to loss of license, and anyone advertising the service is subject to fraud laws.

Because reddit is weird, there’s a thread over there asking straight guys what levels of gay sex they’d have to get a lightsaber. Topping gets you a purple lightsaber, while bottoming gets you your choice of colors. Flip-flop gets you a double ended lightsaber or your choice of two. Handjobs just get you a stun baton, while getting fisted gets you a thermal detonator. Guys have had various responses. Some are on to us “No way! I’m not falling for that again. It has become very clear that light sabers do not really exist.” While others think it’s worth it. “I have no shame, I’d proudly flaunt that double-ended lightsaber as I limped down the street the next day.” And some are just waiting to get paid. “So by my calculations I’ll be owed two lightsabers and two deflector shields when this is all over. I’m okay with this deal.” Then there’s the straight guy who did it for free. “I’m straight and already done BDSM with a Gay male. Sorry I don’t like lightsabers, I don’t swing that way.”

Caitlyn Jenner
Sheriff’s investigators are recommending a manslaughter charge for Caitlyn Jenner that could carry up to a one year prison sentence in relation to their fatal accident she had last year. They determined that Caitlyn was operating her vehicle in an unsafe manner that resulted in the death of another drive. It will be up to the prosecutor’s office as to what charge, if any, will be filed.

Fox News
Meanwhile, Donald Trump doesn’t seem to be a fan of Caitlyn’s transition, and is pretty rude about it. “I knew him a little bit when Bruce was a great athlete. He was one of the best-looking people you’ll ever see.”

Later in the same interview Trump says that he has attended a same sex wedding back in 2012, and he considers marriage equality settled law, and doesn’t support a constitutional amendment to ban it. “Some people have hopes of passing amendments, but it’s not going to happen. Congress can’t pass simple things, let alone that. So anybody that’s making that an issue is doing it for political reasons. The Supreme Court ruled on it.”

Darren Criss
Michael Emerson, Sally Field and Darren Criss are set to take part in a charity reading of the Moisés Kaufman play Gross Indecency: The Three Trials of Oscar Wilde. A revival of the play was blocked in Russia, and the reading is being used to raise awareness of the ban of LGBT content in Russia.

Yishai Schlissel, the suspect in the stabbings at Jerusalem Pride, has been ruled mentally fit to stand trial. He passed a 48-hour mental evaluation after the initial assessment proved inconclusive

Kentucky County Clerk Kim Davis has filed an emergency motion to the ruling that she must provide marriage licenses to same-sex couples. She’s really pouring on the drama. Signing a license would “substantially and irreparably” burden Davis’ “conscience and deeply-held, sincere religious beliefs which dictate to Davis that such unions are not and cannot be ’marriage.'” If she’s forced to do so while awaiting her appeal, “there is no absolution or correction that any earthly court can provide to rectify it.” What’s funny is that the Liberty Counsel knows that such dramatic language isn’t going to sway a federal judge, but it makes one hell of a martyr.

Ben Carson
Ben Carson can’t get any air time with Donald Trump dominating the news, so he had to say something outrageous, like he would use drones on U.S. soil at the border to stop drug activity. “You look at some of these caves and things out there one drone strike, boom, and they’d gone.”

Based on average Netflix viewership of 1.5 hours of content each day, the service saves you 130 hours each year in watching commercials. My DVR does that too, and without sucking me down a binge watching rabbit hole.

Ian McKellen
Sir Ian McKellen thinks that actors who don’t want to come out as gay are prisoners of their representation. ” My career took off as a film actor when I came out. The advice that actors get to not come out is usually given to them by their agents who are themselves gay, by their publicists who are themselves gay. It’s all a hypocrisy and they’re frightened, everyone’s always frightened about what someone will say. I don’t give a damn whether someone’s gay or straight. I fancy them or I don’t fancy them.”

But he understands that the problem extends to everyone in public life. “The thing is, it’s not just a problem for actors, you know. How many politicians discuss with their agents and their constituents, “Do you think it would be all right if I came out?” I don’t think constituents worry if a member of parliament is gay. Is he or she a good congressperson? Is he or she a good actor? That’s all, really. The rest is old news, but no one looks to Hollywood for social advancement. They only just discovered they have black people in the Oscars two years ago. I’ve still got my acceptance speech: “Members of the Academy, I’m proud to be the first openly gay actor to ever win this award.” Of course I didn’t give that speech, but nor has anybody else. It does put people off, but take courage.”

Sir Elton John
Sir Elton John has accepted Dolce & Gabanna’s apology for calling his children synthetic. “Big thanks to Stefano and Domenico for the apology over their comments about IVF children. We have always been big fans of their work. Now that the slate is clean we look forward wearing their designs once again.” Well, Sir Elton has always been known to have a shopping addiction. He, like all junkies, has found an excuse to get his fix.

Zac Noe Towers gets together with his friend Jennie-Lee to create an audition tape for a must-have role. But he’s having problems nailing it. While some gay actors have no problems playing certain types of straight characters, others are just never going to make it.

Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse is going to cause heart attacks at Boy Scout HQ and at the Mormon Church, who sponsors most of the troops. While gearing up to save the world from zombies probably isn’t covered in the manual, these guys are ready, with the help from a friendly stripper. Along the way they manage to kill a lot of zombies, and even touch boob for the first time in their loser lives.

Longtime readers know my love of parkour, but even I’m confused by Jason Paul’s perspective-skewed video. There’s a lot of clever editing, but there’s serious skills shown here.

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