Sometimes if a date isn’t going so well, you at least have to amuse yourself without irritating the other person. How do you get your date to talk if they are silent, or boring, or just not carrying the conversation?
–Tired of being a monologuist
Hello!
Your question made me laugh out loud because I FEEL YOUR PAIN! I could go on and on about the bad dates I’ve had with people where I’ve needed fake phone calls to save me.
When you’re on a date (whether it be coffee, lunch, dinner, whatever) there’s always different stages. You seem to be outgoing and not afraid to carry on the conversation. Other people may be intimidated by that.
My most important piece of advice is: allow yourself to compliment the other person.
People are afraid to compliment others because they’re scared they’ll come off desperate – but it’s actually the opposite! Compliments are your best friend. I’m assuming you’re out with this person because you’re attracted to them. So compliment them (only if it’s genuine, of course). Maybe you like something that they’re wearing, or preferably, the way they look. People LOVE talking about themselves, no matter how shy they are. You just need to get them to that point – and they will lower their guard if you start with a complement.
Next, ask questions that YOU think are interesting – and that don’t have a yes-or-no answer. Get them to talk about themselves, whether it is about why they are working at the company where they have a job, or where they live and why they picked that neighborhood or building.
Most people aren’t really boring or shy – unfortunately, may think they are if they’re insecure. If the person seems uptight, be a little bit of a goofball and just try to make them laugh. Get them to talk about funny experiences they’ve had on dates, or tell funny, self-deprecating stories about yourself – leaving space for them to ask you questions.
If you’re doing all of these things; being inquisitive, showing your sense of humor, complimenting and genuinely being an interesting person and you’re STILL getting nothing in return – then go ahead and throw in the towel. But please keep me posted and let me know how it goes!
Ask your dating questions now!
Meredith Schlosser is a Setup Squad wingman and dating expert. She’s in a long-distance relationship with a gorgeous woman named Randi, who lives in Los Angeles.
