“Davinci’s Demons” Sister Act 3: Satanic Boogaloo

“Nunsploitation? Nunsploitation. Hey everyone, we got some nunsploitation over here!”

Brace yourself for scandalous sisterly impropriety. “The Prisoner” centers around a convent whose nuns catch a crazy case of the vapors, and it’s DaVinci’s Demons best episode yet. Leonardo’s “ADD genius didn’t take his Adderall” shtick comes across brilliantly, and there’s enough subterfuge to tickle everyone’s inner Machiavelli.

The titular prisoner is some old fart Riario’s locked up for unknown reasons. His possible crime could be having way too awesome facial hair, because it looks like this elderly gentleman’s beard is growing its own goatee. Maybe Riario keeps him jailed so he’ll have someone to play Go with, as they sit down for some board game action.


Note: This isn’t the prisoner’s cell

While this captive provides narration about strategy and whatnot, Lucrezia drops off Vatican-bound clandestine correspondence. If your skull starts hurting, it’s from the story beating you over the head with metaphors. Lorenzo Medici conveniently shows up with his carriage, and she thanks him by way of road dome.

Side note: Wouldn’t all the bouncing from cobblestone roads make that difficult?

Oh yeah, Clarice Medici notices her hubby’s dogging around and gets slightly annoyed.

Leonardo’s smoking opium and hanging out with corpses, because he’s an eccentric genius. Once he’s sufficiently lit it’s off to check on his magical gun factory. There, he witnesses some spectacular sibling rivalry. Giulino’s all like “Bro you never let me lead and I could SO lead” then Lorenzo’s like “Nuh-uh” and G’s like “Yes-huh!”

Leo peaces out to free some birdies. Lucretia shows up, noting how one parrot chose staying in its cage over flying away. Look guys, another metaphor! Though she’s been ratting out the Medicis’ actions to Riario, Lucretia hasn’t really been a happy snitch. My bet is the Vatican has some dirt on her. Could be Lucretia is a prisoner as well, but to blackmail.


Yo Lucretia, you got something on your forehead.

Suddenly some filthy flayed nun shows up shouting how the blasphemous Medici are sending the city to hell, then promptly kills herself. Wanting to avoid bad PR, Giulino meets with his brother to plan how to spin this. They decide on quarantining the convent until the younger Medici assesses the situation. Leonardo’s annoyed that this incident interrupts his pursuing the Book of Leaves, but decides he’ll look into it as well.

Good thing too, because Giulino kills another crazed nun who attacks him on his way there. Slaying holy women will do wonders for the ’ol reputation. Even though it’s obvious the handsome GiuGiubee has his heart in the right place, he’s just so dumb. Kind of like a Renaissance era Ryan Lochte.

Leo and Giulino arrive to a cold welcome. The Mother Superior believes her sister’s insanity stems from demonic possession. The Medici’s allowance of sins like Leonardo’s corpse robbing and nude models are blamed for Satan gaining a foothold on earth. Complicating matters, a Vatican Prefect shows up whose exorcism techniques involve burning demon infused sisters alive.


She’s a little tied up at the moment. 

Side Note: Kinda interesting this prisoner-themed episode borrows from the nunsploitation genre. That type of movie is intrinsically tied to the “women in prison” exploitation films popular in 1970s Italy and… I’m rambling. Basically the nuns can be seen as prisoners here too, y’all.

Anyways, back at the Medici ranch Clarice gives Lorenzo a talking to. She’s fine with his cheating shenanigans so long as he comes back to her, cause a girl’s gotta get hers. Clarice later takes Lucretia down a few notches, reminding her she’ll always just be a distraction to Florence’s leader.

Lucretia and Lorenzo show they’ve learned their lesson by banging in a stable. This occurs right before his mistress frames Lorenzo’s most trusted adviser. Womp womp.

After some wonderfully sacrilegious bits including a “possessed” girl using a cross as some makeshift gallows, Leo finally solves this mystery. Surprise, Satan had nothing to do with it! Instead Lucretia infected the sisters with some strange hallucinogenic fungus, and not the fun kind that makes you dig listening to Phish. Unfortunately Leonardo also ingested some, and he just starts tripping balls. In between seeing maggots crawling across his skin he manages to have some sort of epiphany.

So yeah, wonderfully entertaining episode. Still, it leaves us with one burning question:

Did it get gay?

What was gay?

Leonardo fantasizing about plate tectonics. If you’re a large landmass, you’ll be so turned on when two continents rub their peninsulas together.

Tom Bateman’s outfits showing off dat chest.

What wasn’t gay?

A gratuitous nun-boob on display during an exorcism.

Most things in “The Prisoner”, honestly. Still, without giving away too much I can confirm the homo levels get turnt up in episode five.