Tonight on Logo, it’s the premiere of Felt, the new reality series depicting heart-wrenching scenes of relationship dramas reenacted by felt puppets. (What, like you would dish the T in front of millions without some kind of disguise?)
Naturally the show includes a fair number of same-sex Muppet couples—which got us thinking about all the marionettes, dolls, stuffed animals and other animated playthings who have blazed a trail for today’s young queer puppets. Avenue Q‘s Rod gets all the credit, since he actually came out and everything, but he’s a late-comer (and a Republican!)
Check out NewNowNext’s list of the gayest puppets of all time!
And tune in to Felt, 10:30pm Monday nights on Logo.
Snuggle, the Fabric Softener Bear
We were under the assumption that the fabric softener’s cuddly spokesbear was female, but it turns out Snuggle is a boy—and a twink at that! Judging by his love of all things soft and luxurious—and his willingness to shill a product for a paycheck—he’s probably one of those boys in the Laundromat who bats his dewy little eyes at some unsuspecting sugar daddy.
Emmet Otter (Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas)
Otter indeed! Emmet, a mama’s boy who started a honky-tonk band with his furry friends, will probably grow out of his emo-hipster phase, but not before he gets a bunch of stars tattooed on his torso. In his Grindr pic, he wears tons of eyeliner.
Guy Smiley (Sesame Street)
All style, no substance. This cheeseball with flouncy hair and perma-grin looks like Don Draper on uppers, which is just the look he’s striving for. You’ll find Guy at David Barton in Chelsea, working out for 45 minutes (upper body only, natch) and spending another hour cruising the sauna.
This caustic crone is the ultimate fruit fly. Once animated by noted homosexual Wayland Flowers, she’s always got a catty quip—and a faaaabulous headdress—at the ready. Formerly a saucy staple of network shows like Madame’s Place and Hollywood Squares, Madame made liberal use profanity and innuendo in her live act. Hmm, maybe she was just a drag queen?
Chamberlain (The Dark Crystal)
There’s always that one conniving queen in the group: The guy who talks himself into every event, becomes the center of every drama, and wants nothing more than to reach the top of the social ladder. Girl, quit poking your beak into everyone’s business!
Señor Wences made his hand into his sidekick’s mouth—do we really need to connect the dots here? Their act might have been tame in front of The Ed Sullivan Show audience but, backstage, Johnny was giving out “handshakes” like there was no tomorrow.
Mokey (Fraggle Rock)
You can tell just by looking at her that Mokey smells like patchouli and drinks soy chai lattes sweetened with organic agave. If her cave had room for cats, she’d adopt five of them. It makes you wonder if there was something more than friendship between her and that ultra-sporty go-getter, Red.
The Hat (Labyrinth)
If you don’t have anything nice to say, sit next to this one. He’s the kind to lurk in a corner and read whoever walks by for filth (in his bizarre Spanish accent, of course). This talking bird’s nickname is “the Hat” because he only does two things: throw shade and sit on your face.
This sarcastic sheep’s personality veers between cloyingly chipper and dryly sarcastic—and doesn’t exactly reek of lesbian stereotypes. But then you remember she sat on Shari Lewis’ hand for decades. This little sock is so insatiable that now Lewis’ daughter, Mallory, is filling in. Literally.
Bert and Ernie (Sesame Street)
There’s no better way to finish off this list than with America’s premier same-sex puppet couple. Sure they sleep in separate beds, but so did Lucy and Ricky. Despite their constant bickering, Ernie and Bert have remained inseparable for decades. Their partnership must be fulfilling—it’s kept them both eternally youthful.
We should all be lucky enough to find a love like theirs.