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"Details" Does it Again … Deets on Their Latest Offensive Issue

Oops! They did it again. You would think that Details would have learned their lesson by now. Mixing crude humor with outdated stereotypes doesn’t exactly make us gays feel all fuzzy inside. Remember when they introduced us to the “Douchefag” just last December?

Well if that wasn’t insulting enough, now they’ve published the “best” of their monthly feature, “Gay or…?” to help us decipher some of the more ambiguous characters in American society like prepsters, neo-punk-rockers, mama’s boys and even Jesus.

I guess they haven’t sat down with Elton John lately.

Thank God we have Details to let us know that some new dads can be confused for gay. Not that some new dads are gay, they may just appear to be. According to Details:

One wields a soft pacifier; the other pacifies his bundle of joy with something stiffer. Being someone’s daddy requires a firm hand. So keep the baby wipes nearby, because when you’re new to rearing, things can get a little messy.

Really, Details?

And then there’s the difference between us gays and Neo-Punk-Rockers:

One refuses to kneel before the Man; the other does it regularly. Whether you want to be sedated or fellated, coming out for the Butthole Surfers is hardcore. So lay down a nasty lick, the mosh pit is about to get packed.

I mean, I get that it's supposed to be funny. I really do. It’s just that rehashing years of bad jokes at our expense simply isn’t. The worst part is they say they've been posing the age-old question, “is he or isn’t he” for years and they've supposedly come to the conclusion that “telling gay from straight stereotypes is impossible.”

Yet they keep on trying. Maybe one day they’ll actually succeed in finding a way to make it funny, but probably not.

Then there’s the other little feature in this month’s issue. In this article they wonder if that’s a gay bar in your pocket, or you know, just an iPhone. This one actually sounded like fun. That is until I met Jared in the first sentence. Turns out he used the iPhone app Grindr to hunt down an anonymous quickie while he waited for his landlord to unlock his apartment. I would have stuck with Bejeweled, but you know to each his own.

The rest of the article goes on to prove how gay men are behind all the great technological advances in the pursuit of an easier, quicker hookup. As they say, "From the early days of AOL to the dawn of Grindr, gay men have been the real pioneers of the digital age. What do they hope to find? What every man wants: the best way to hook up."

Turns out we invented chatrooms, forums, websites and even internet shorthand just for quick, cheap sex. Forget any of that stuff about isolated gay men using the internet as a way to feel a little less isolated or to even come out, or any of the numerous ways gay activists have rallied folks to a hundred different causes or spread word of homophobic politicians or anti-gay religious zealots.

For us 'mos, it's just all about the sex.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have the Grindr app too. Well, at least the wannabe version for Android phones, Purpl. But I hardly use it to find a slutty neighbor when I get locked out of my apartment.

A tenth anniversary is such a milestone achievement, especially for a magazine no one reads, so to blatantly insult one of their largest focus groups is just plain confusing.

At this rate it’s hard to see them making it another ten years. Personally, I’m just counting down the days until my subscription expires because suddenly the cheap nylon messenger bag they suckered me in with so isn’t worth it anymore.

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