Dial Back the Date!: February 23 Wants to See Your Tootsie Roll

Bette Davis in Jezebel

February 23 is pretty routinely fabulous, kids: We’ve got a couple of magnificent birthdays, the creation of one of the world’s most tolerated candies, and a sports legend racks up an astounding point tally. In the BEDROOM, I mean!

1889: Victor Fleming, the Oscar-winning director who gave you two of 1939’s most modest films — Gone with the Wind and The Wizard of Oz — is born. What’s the greater gay-ass costuming in film history — Scarlett O’Hara’s curtain dress or Dorothy Gale’s ruby slippers? You can only choose one! Sorry, Rick Santorum.

1896: The Tootsie Roll is invented! It’s original jingle still rolls off the tongue: “Hey, little Tommy! / Don’t ’cha wanna candy that / tastes like cellophane / and looks like / dog excrement?” Well done, Irving Berlin. The 69 Boyz thank you for respecting their muse.

1938: Bette Davis wins her second and last Oscar for Jezebel. She probably should’ve also won for All About Eve, What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?, and the pilot for ABC’s Hotel.

1941: Plutonium is first produced and isolated by Dr. Glenn Seaborg. But it isn’t until 2008 that scientists start jamming rods of it into Madonna’s arms.

Emily Blunt

1968: Basketball legend Wilt Chamberlain scores his 25,000th point in a game against the Detroit Pistons. That’s 1/4 of a point for every woman he made seven babies with.

1983: Emily Blunt is born! Unfortunately, Miranda Priestly has announced that she may not leave work early today. Or ever. Unless she wants to be a (sigh) disappointment.

2000: Santana sweeps the Grammys with his enormous blockbuster album Smooth, garnering Album of the Year and eight other trophies. Here’s a question: Is the “Smooth” lyric, “Like seven inches from the midday sun” supposed to be a very bold reference to an erection? Because 2000 was also the year of Shaggy and the lyric, “Picture this, we were both butt naked, bangin’ on the bathroom floor.” Cringe-worthy sexuality might’ve been really cool for a minute there.