Are you excited to finally lose some weight and get in shape this year? Me too! Well, for like two weeks or so then I will just revert back to my normal sedentary and processed food loving behavior. In the meantime however, and in the name of research of course, here are some totally ridiculous diets we can all try to kick off 2012!
- Cereal Diet — Some cereals, we ain’t naming names, claim that if you simply replace two meals a day with a bowl of their cereal you will lose six pounds in two weeks. Sounds great. Bad news is that Frosted Flakes and Captain Crunch are not two of the cereals, nor are Count Chocula or Boo Berry. I also think you have to use skim milk and not chocolate milk with the cereal and actually stick to the recommended serving size. That being said, if you love cereal this could be perfect for you.
- Cabbage Soup Diet — This one can help you lose 10 pounds in seven days, provided you like the taste of what basically amounts to lukewarm and slightly salted water. You can have fruit some days and raw vegetables some days and a little skim milk at some point, but for the most part it is just the cabbage soup. Oh, and two days of beef which is actually not that bad. Problem is, after five days of just fruits and veggies, eating just ten ounces of meat may be the ultimate test of willpower.
- Five A Day — This diet is rumored to be big among models, which is no doubt a complete lie, and says you can eat whatever you want. The catch is that whatever you want can only be one food and you can only have five throughout the day. That being said, I could live on five slices of pizza a day forever, I just don’t think I would be losing any weight.
- Subway Diet — Two healthy six inch subs a day for an entire year and you could lose over a hundred pounds and get a contract doing commercials for the chain. Seriously guys, go for it. Good luck.
- Master Cleanse — Not a diet so to speak, as the name clearly tells you, but boy can you lose weight. Every single famous person in the world has done this diet. I think. Wikipedia explains it best: “There are three parts to the regimen: each morning one drinks a 8 oz of water with 2 teaspoons of salt or a cup of herbal laxative tea; this is followed by six to twelve lemonade drinks during the day; and finally a cup of herbal laxative tea in the evening. The lemonade is made from purified or spring water, fresh squeezed lemon juice, organic maple syrup and cayenne pepper.” Sure you are going to be tired and dizzy, but you are going to be THIN, tired and dizzy.
So good luck. 2012 is totally going to be our thinnest year EVER!