Dolly Parton Has Started A Tumblr. Game. Over.

After a very, very difficult week that brought us the news that the irreplaceable Elaine Stritch may be calling it quits, and Ryan Gosling (aka Helmut of Troy) is taking some time off from acting, there is suddenly a shining beacon of hope — Dolly Parton has started a Tumblr.

It’s like they say, when one legend shuts a door, another legend throws on her wig, paints on some lipstick and applies some¬†acrylic nails before (carefully) throwing another door wide open.

Idioms are fun.

Ms. Parton, perhaps the only person in the world who could give Ru beauty tips, is already a master at Tumblr, bringing us everything we could have ever asked for and more on her new official page. Early glamour shots? Check. Some 9 to 5 love? Oh, indeed. And what about that little ditty she wrote about that thieving bitch Jolene? Yessum, it is there friends.

So while your partner/family member/drunk one night stand you can’t get rid of is busy watching March Madness, why not stop feigning interest in the athletic abilities of college kids, and spend some time with America’s down South sweetheart, Ms. Dolly Parton.

And to get things started, let’s watch the original queen shame that tramp Jolene above.

Let’s Watch Dolly Parton Rap