‘Downton Abbey’ Recap: Here Comes the Spinster

I guess we’re happy for Edith…

I’ve been watching the news this week, and if reports are to be believed, America is basically like one big Downton Abbey right now. Like season two, the flu is running around like crazy in our country while we are pretty much in financial ruin and just hoping we can all marry well.

Most of you were probably watching the Golden Globes, and it’s not a surprise that the producers of Downton Abbey chose to air this episode. Opening with preparations in the house for Edith’s wedding, yes, you heard me right, Edith’s wedding. Even Edith is surprised, as she she is aware that she is the most horrible sister in the entire world. Their relationship is essentially:

But Edith presses on, even though Sir Anthony is constantly reminding her that he is a million years older. Edith could care less though, and she’s all:

But in the BEST moment of the night, Edith finally gets karmic retribution for screwing with Mary, the real queen of Downton, back in season one. On the day of the wedding, Sir Anthony abandons Edith at the aisle. Now, my heart, black as it may be, did feel a teensy bit bad for Edith when she was crying and realizing her sisters are, in fact, way hotter than she is. But Edith won’t be pitied and wakes up for breakfast the next day. I kind of want Edith to turn into a 1920s boozy harlot, but for now:

Even wonder what it would look like if the two old guys from Trading Places turned on each other? It would look a lot like Thomas and O’Brien right now. The once bosom friends, have nobody to go after but each other, and after O’Brien’s trick last week (hiding Lord Grantham’s shirts), he’s out for blood. Thomas has started a rumor that O’Brien is going to quit her job. I’m not sure how this is going to play out, but knowing how these two play, it will probably be something like:

The newlywed Mary and Matthew are still squabbling over how Matthew should spend his inheritance from his dead fiancé’s dead father. (Seriously, how have the police not questioned him in this situation?) The Crawley’s go so far as to visit a smaller house where they will have to move due to their financial ruin. The house, called Downton Place is a mansion. It’s huge. But compared to Downton Abbey it’s the equivalent of a lean-to in an underpass.

Matthew receives a letter from his late almost father-in-law but rather than reading it and in a last-ditch effort, Mary reads it. Apparently, Mr. Swire was aware that Matthew loved Mary more than Lavinia, and his sacrifice is why he chose to give him the money. Think about that: a man chose to give his dead daughter’s ex-boyfriend some money because he knew he didn’t love her.

Ethel shows up to Cousin Isobel’s school for recovering ladies of the night. She wants to get help for her son and to try and reach out to his grandparents. I thought we already went through this storyline last season, but I do enjoy that they refer to prostitution as “being in a bad way.”

In Part II of Searching for Justice: The Anna Bates Story, the plucky maid visits with Vera Bates’s only friend and tries to get information. Meanwhile, her husband is in jail and dealing with sabotage from his fellow inmates. His bunkmate planted a shiv in his bed, but Bates finds it in time. This whole part of the episode was like watching the most boring episode of Oz ever.

Mrs. Hughes is still waiting for the results of her biopsy, and Mrs. Patmore accidentally spills the beans to Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes was all like:

But we found out she was cancer-free. Thank you, Julian Fellowes!

‘Downton Abbey’ Recap: For Richer or Poorer