Secrets, secrets are no fun... at least not according to a pair of loose-lipped guys who have been making headlines.

Edward Snowden is in the news this month for leaking secrets from his job at the NSA to the press—shedding light on the government’s questionable surveillance of the American people. In other secret-spilling news, Bradley Manning’s trial kicked off June 3, as he faces 22 criminal charges stemming from his smuggling of classified military material to WikiLeaks back in 2010. (Apparently, they frown on that.)

Both guys have made a big show of sticking it to the man in the name of truth, and have been labeled whistleblowers and heroes by some, and traitors by others. But which man would you rather stick it to? We’ve compiled a little breakdown to help you figure out whether you're #treambradley or #teamedward when it comes to the perfect info-leaking dreamboat.

Edward Snowden

Age: 30 this month (happy birthday, Ed!)

Hometown: Elizabeth City, NC

Affiliations: U.S. Army, CIA, NSA

Income: “Roughly” $200,000 per year, he claimed — before he totally burned his employer.

Cuteness Factor: He’s got the “sexy nerd” thing going on, if you’re into that.

Claim To Fame: He was an amateur model!

Current Location: Hong Kong, so you gotta be willing to relocate.

Perfect For: The independent individual who doesn’t like their partner going through their phone or computer. He values privacy way too much for that.

Possible Dealbreaker: If you live in the U.S., you won’t be bringing him home to meet mom and dad any time soon. At least, not without a lot of law-enforcement officials showing up to spoil the party.

You’ll Dump Him When: He 's always breaking plans to flee the country.

Bradley Manning

Age: 25

Hometown: Crescent, OK

Affiliations: U.S. Army

Income: Probably not a whole lot right now.

Cuteness Factor: The last few years seem to have been rough on this gay soldier— but who doesn’t love a man in uniform?

Claim To Fame: He’s been twice-nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize,  his trial is being re-created as a comic book and, as he told hacker Andrian Lamo, he “lip-synced to Lady Gaga's 'Telephone' while exfiltrating possibly the largest data spillage in American history.”

Current Location: Fort Leavenworth... Penitentiary. Which is only medium security, so it could be worse.

Perfect For: Someone who thinks full disclosure is the most important aspect of a relationship – at any cost.

Possible Dealbreaker: He’s likely staying in prison for some time, possibly even for life. So you better be cool with conjugal visits.

You’ll Dump Him When: He hacks into your computer and posts your private texts, emails, pics, homemade “videos,” etc. online because “people have a right to know.”