Ellen DeGeneres addressed the fabled "gay agenda" in her monologue yesterday, responding to anti-gay writer Larry Tomczak's claim that the 24-time Emmy winner uses her show to recruit youth into homosexuality.

In a post entitled "Are You Aware of the Avalanche of Gay Programming Assaulting Your Home?," Tomczak also accused DeGeneres of "celebrating her lesbianism and 'marriage' in between appearances of guests like Taylor Swift to attract young girls."

Ellen responded in her typically humorous fashion: "I don't look at the tabloids or the Internet," she said Tuesday, "but I heard there was an article written about me and I would like to address it right now."

The 56-year-old host isn't usually one to respond to her critics, but when she does, she makes sure to shut them down completely.

"The only way I'm trying to influence people is to be more kind and compassionate with one another," she declared. "That is the message I'm sending out. I don't have an agenda—I'm not here to brainwash anyone."

She then unveiled her scheme to "hypnotize" the youth of America:

"Listen to the sound of my voice. Attention youth of the world: I want you to live your lives being exactly who you are. Be true to yourself—the most important thing is to be true to yourself. The second most important thing is that you wear Ellen underwear and only Ellen underwear. Now, audience, look into my vortex and dance with me."

Check out the hilarious and inspiring message below: