If New York State goes the way of the five other states that have legalized same-sex weddings,  you and your boyfriend (or girlfriend) may find yourselves making a beeline to get married at City Hall. After celebrating the euphoria of this legislative victory, you’ll likely find that your next set of worries will be about logistics, which is to say wedding etiquette (and what a great problem to have). You’ll also quickly realize that you’re now entering unmapped twilight zone for gays and lesbians, since many of the “rules” for same-sex weddings have yet to be determined.

Not surprisingly, there are gay couples who find that old-school, straight wedding traditions serve them remarkably well in their ceremonies and celebrations: formal invitations, engagement parties, gift registries, and frothy white dresses alongside or well-tailored black tuxedos.  Except that “We’ll take two, please!”

Still, for many in our community, a very strong spirit of invention is at play as we create new roles and rites, not only for ourselves, but for all those in attendance. The good news is that it’s up to you and your betrothed—or  fiancé (e), if you prefer— to make these choices, which will no doubt become the foundation of LGBT wedding traditions to come.

With that in mind, here’s what we all need to know about same-sex weddings. (After all, if you’re straight, your invitation may soon be on its way.)

•    Do gay people get engaged? Yes; some of us even get down on bended knee, present a ring, and ask “Will you marry me?” That is, of course, after finding a gay-friendly jeweler who doesn’t keep asking about your opposite-sex fiancé.

•    Who pays for the rings?  If there’s one prevailing custom today, it’s that lesbian and gay couples shop together for their rings, and pay for them together. However, if you’re planning to surprise your sweetheart with an engagement, then it’s on you. Of course, you don’t need a ring to show your commitment. Maybe it’s time for a new puppy.

•    Do gays need a pre-nup? Maybe – especially if one or both of you has significant assets. After all, legal spouses take on new responsibilities along with those new rights. If you go this route, speak to a lawyer, don’t wait until the last minute, and don’t pull out an agreement the first time you raise the topic.

•    What’s in a name?  Using the same name affirms a connection between all the individuals in a family, and more and more gay couples are changing theirs when they marry. For example, a recent wedding announcement of two lesbians noted: “The couple is using the surname Epstein.” Of course, others keep their original family names, become hyphenates, or create a brand new name.

•    What do we call each other? It’s easy for a married straight couple – husband, wife, and spouse cover all the options. Not so easy – or fast – for committed gay couples, who may use partner, spouse, significant other, lover, and (now) husband or wife. Use what feels right – just be sure to let others know how to refer to you.

•    Who pays? The cost of equality is high –  the average wedding rings in at about $25,000 these days -- so you’ll need to figure out how to pay. More often than not, gay couples foot the cost of their weddings and receptions themselves,  although some of us may benefit from family “financing.” Tread gently if you’re hitting up your folks, who may have saved money for a daughter’s wedding and never considered their gay son’s. Sometimes, it’s about the economy and not anti-gay bias.

•    What about Mom and Dad?  Parents and siblings may find that they play a lesser role than they might have in a straight wedding. That may be about who’s paying, but it could be that lifelong friends are assigned the roles traditionally played by family members.

•    What about the unsupportive ones? The most effective thing you can do is talk directly with any disapproving family members about your love for each other, the commitment you’re making, and why marriage matters. But in the end, if you’re not feeling the love, save that seat for someone who can stand up for you.  (As for prospective guests, I like to think that family and friendship trump politics: If you don’t think you can keep your mouth shut, or that you’d be a hypocrite, decline the invitation.)

•    What do two brides or two grooms wear?   This depends more on the formality of the event than anyone’s sexual orientation. It's not important that the couple be dressed like the Doublemint twins -- in matching tuxes, gowns or even Steelers jerseys  -- but you do want to look as though you were a couple at the same event rather than two strangers who happened to step in front of the camera at the same time. There will be pictures and witnesses!

•    Where do we sign up? Like every other couple living in New York State you must apply for a marriage license to any town or city clerk, pay your $40, and wait 24 hours.

Now, let’s just keep our fingers crossed.

Steven Petrow is the author of Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners: The Definitive Guide to LGBT Life. He can be found online at www.gaymanners.com.