With a new version Murder, She Wrote in the works, we have to wonder: What if someone remade our favorite ’80s TV gem, The Golden Girls? Blasphemous though the thought may be, you know you’d watch it. (Hell, there’s already talk of a male version of TGG.)
Below, we took a stab at recasting the iconic show. Who would you cast as Rose, Dorothy, Blanche and Sophia? Play casting director in the comments section.
NewNowNext Casts A Golden Girls Reboot
Bea Arthur was 63 when the show premiered, and her shoes would be pretty difficult to fill. (Not just because they were a size 11.) We know at least one acclaimed actress can wither you with a deadpan stare, deliver a stinging one-liner and wear a crappy ‘80s suit like it’s straight-up couture: Phylicia Rashad, now 65, has proven her sitcom prowess and would dig into the script like a fresh slice of cheesecake.
If she’s unavailable: At only 53, Jane Lynch is a little young for the part. But she’s probably the only other lanky, sarcastic bad-ass capable of doing it justice.
It seems like Betty White has been 90 forever, but she was only 63 during the first season of The Golden Girls. Having gained notoriety as insatiable bitch Sue Ann Nivens on The Mary Tyler Moore Show, White was definitely playing against type asTGG’s naïve Rose. So let’s get another icon to change her image: It’s about time Wonder Woman’s Lynda Carter made a return to television—and at 62, she’s a birthday away from being golden.
If she’s unavailable: Catherine O’Hara is only 59, so still a little green by Miami standards. But she’d nail the dopey humor.
Though the audience hardly saw Rue McClanahan as a kid, she was a sprightly 51 when the sitcom premiered. (The same age Demi Moore is now, by the way.) By that standard, obvious parallel Kim Cattrall is actually six years too old for the role! So let’s turn instead to another lady with the proven ability to play a cougar on the prowl: 52-year-old Jennifer Coolidge.
If she’s unavailable: Though famous for playing ditzy, Lisa Kudrow just turned 50 and might have more Southern sensuality in her than we realized.
Estelle Getty was a year younger than her on-screen daughter, putting on extra decades with lengthy sessions in the make-up chair. Why not let Wanda Sykes, 49, lend her signature sass to the character?
If she’s unavailable: Wanda isn’t the optimal choice to play Jane Lynch’s mom, so let’s aim for Debra Jo Rupp, who matches Estelle Getty’s 62 years and could easily transition from being on That 70s Show to being in her 80s.
52-year-old Herb Edelmen made several appearances as Dorothy’s greasy ex-husband. Alec Baldwin is only three years older, and clearly behaves better when he has a sitcom to occupy himself. So let’s get him before he completely destroys his career.
If he’s unavailable: Bob Saget (57) brings the necessary cheesiness to the role. His R-rated standup proves Saget’s not always as kid-friendly as Full House’s Danny Tanner, but we’re pretty sure we wouldn’t have to worry about racist or homophobic outbursts at paparazzi.
As Rose’s longtime beau, Harold Gould was 62 when Girls started. To get the right combination of bookish and sweet (and to attract the all-too-desirable geek demographic), we nominate 59-year-old Star Trek Voyager veteran Robert Beltran.
After so much time in far-flung galaxies, he’d no doubt welcome a restful stay on the lanai.
If he’s unavailable: Alan Thicke, now 66, is a little older, but still gives off the professorial, blandly handsome air required. Plus, the extra exposure would help steal the spotlight back from son Robin.
One of the show’s most progressive moves was giving Blanche a gay brother. To replace 50-year-old Monte Markham, we nominate 52-year-old George Clooney. He already appeared as a police detective in an episode of the original Golden Girls, so why not stop by the remake every once in a while?
If he’s unavailable: While only 46, openly gay John Barrowman is welcome on our television screen any time he wants.
A 14-year-old Mario Lopez played Mario (big leap there), an outstanding student in Dorothy’s class who turns out not to be a U.S. citizen. They’d have to revive this premise, given GG’s penchant for touching on pressing social issues. Mark Indelicato might be nearing 20, but he’ll look 14 for at least a few more years, so let’s give him a shot.
For your daily does of Golden Girls, head to Logo TV.