My 12-Year-Old Son Just Came Out. How Do I Talk To Him?
This weekend, a poster on the LGBT subreddit asked for advice in talking to his tween son, who just came out.
"[My] son, 12, just came out to my wife and I. We could use some pointers & second opinions as to how we handled the conversation and next steps ," wrote "Stxxx."
His son apparently came out via text to his wife while Styxx was away on business, but once home, the three of them sat down, during which time the boy's parents conveyed their happiness in his willingness to confide in them.
Stxxx admitted his surprise–days earlier the boy had been talking about a girl he had met a school–but promised to continue treating his son the same, with his wife declaring she'd be more upset if he got a C in a class than if he were gay.
Stxxx than asked some questions to the forum:
1. We still live in a society that doesn't deal well with people being 'different'. I don't like using that word, but I wanted to convey that society doesn't always deal with people that stick out from the 'norm', be it skin color, beliefs, sexual preference etc.
I really needed for him to understand that we don't mean that being gay is different, but more just to caution him that sometimes people don't like it unless you're white, christian and straight. And that unfortunately, he might see that even if his friends accept him, their parents might not. Do y'all think it was a good idea to bring this up? I didn't want to scare him, but he's bright so I wanted him to know.
2. We explained that we will not tell anyone and if he wants to keep this a secret, we will. Is this the right thing to do? Should we tell our respective parents (his grandparents) or is telling family and friends something he will do when he's ready?
3. Are his feelings legit at the age of 12? It's not that we don't believe him, of course we do. But he's also 12..7th grade, no dates, no kisses, haven't really hit puberty yet.
4. We're very open when it comes to talking about sex, so he's all up on the reproductive organs and how it works. Is there anything as it relates to STDs, HIV/AIDS, that has changed drastically lately that would warrant me needing to bring this up to him? He knows how condoms work.
The comments poured in immediately, with many suggesting the father find his local PFLAG chapter.
"Just wanted to say thank you for being such awesome understanding parents. Your son is lucky to have you," said one user.
Another remarked, "You've got a hell of a strong kid. If he can tell the people her cares most for, the people whose opinion and affection he values the most, his biggest secret, then he'll survive whatever snide comment the Republican mom of one his soccer buddies wants to make."
Got more advice for Styxx? Offer it up.
