We love you Game of Thrones, but really? This week’s episode was just the absolute worst. Worst. Besides the appearance of super special guest star Edgar Winter (that is who is playing Yara, right?) everything was kind of off this week. But the power rankings must be done…
1. House Arya (Stark): What’s up now fools? We are kind of over everyone in Arya’s family as they suck and their complete disregard for their daughters/sisters (that’s you gash-obsessed Robb and worst mother in the world Catelynn), is becoming a huge problem in the narrative of this season. Hey producers, if you are going to stray from the books with stories of stolen dragons and black love interests who were gay in the novels, how about trying to portray Catelynn as a mother who actually gives a shit about her helpless daughters and not just her permed warrior son. Because, again, worst mother ever. That being said, our favorite Fly Girl Arya straight up schooled Jaqen H’ghar. What’s up now freakishly talented assassin?
2. House Greyjoy — Edgar Winter may be our new favorite character on this show. From the way she eats chicken to how she models her lounging habits after the esteemed Al Bundy from Married … With Children, this feisty lady can do now wrong. Sure she hates showers and is a bit gruff, but I think we all know her iPod is filled with Indigo Girls and Teagan and Sara songs. Oh, and Theon is still around too being a giant pri*k and charbroiling shit.
3. House Lannister – That war we all knew was coming is almost here. And these idiots look fuc*ed. 50 bucks and a RuPaul’s Drag Race coozie to whoever slays that pri*k Joffrey.
4. House Baratheon: Crazy Priestess Edition: After an extended absence following the birth of their Shadowboxer, these fools are back and more boring then ever. It really just seems a waste to rank them every week as we know they can’t win this war unless Game of Thrones hopes to become the world’s most boring show about a neglected double-chinned elder and the shadow spewing lady he bangs.
5. Those Idiots Up North: Why is Jon Snow not dead yet? And yes, I too thing he looks gorgeous.
6. House Targaryen: If at any point in your life your only option is to visit the House of the Undying, you made a wrong turn. A severe wrong turn. For the first time ever though, I wouldn’t mind if our pal Dany did not make it out alive as she has become another poorly developed character this season, much like Catelynn. Being petulant and self-centered all the time only works when you are a supporting player on 30 Rock or Happy Endings gurl.