Much of the online literature about how to be a top is geared towards able-bodied men who have complete and easy access to their bodies. As a queer disabled man who uses a wheelchair and whose most popular sex position is me on my back—in what I call the “dead turtle” position—none of these tips are particularly accessible.

So I’ve decided to take on the onus myself and unpack tips and tricks for the disabled top who is also a wheelchair user.

Have a Disabled Anatomy Lesson

In all the articles I read, most authors suggest that you take a lesson on the male anatomy: examine how your cock looks, how it works, how certain body parts will feel when topping, etc. While the disabled queer guy’s body is basically the same, there are some key differences.

The disabled body might have spasms or tightness which may change how we top our partners. We need to be aware of these differences, which will make the experience that much better. There will also need to be a conversation about how disabled topping will work between partners before anything happens. You need to talk about proper positioning that will work for the both of you, the potential for pain, and what might feel good or bad. Remember, talking is foreplay and can be sexy as fuck.

Use Your Tongue

Common gay sex advice says that the guy who tops should eat out the bottom beforehand. I love tossing salad as much as anyone—in fact, it’s one of my favorite things to do— and as a disabled top it’s super attainable. The bottom just sits on your face and you can go to town. Also, it’s a great physiotherapy workout if you have a spastic tongue as a result of disability—so dig in.

Condom Use

If you are a disabled top and you choose to use condoms, you may not have the physical dexterity to put them on yourself, but it can be really intimate to have your bottom partner put it on for you. This way he can get a sense of your cock and can see for himself that you can get hard. If you choose to top without a condom, consider how options like PrEP will work in conjunction with your disability and any daily medication you may be taking.

Let Your Partner Get on Top (AKA do the “Human Dildo”)

One of the things I love about being a disabled top is that, because I am unable to thrust my hips or really create any kind of physical motion that would resemble topping, I have taken to calling myself a “human dildo.” My partner can sit on my dick and fuck himself, choosing his own speed. This position is super accessible to me and other disabled tops, as we get to simply lay back and enjoy the experience without worrying about our limited thrusting abilities. Give it a try!

Take a Break Inside Him

Breaks are important whenever you are fucking, but they can be particularly essential when you’re disabled and your energy levels may be different than an able-bodied person’s.

To all the disabled queer men out there who have worried that stopping when topping isn’t sexy, consider taking a break while you’re inside him. This will give you a chance to check in with each other and ensure that everything is okay, while also giving you enough time to rest so that he can ride your thick crip dick all night long. (Note: If you are using a condom and you are taking a break, your cock may become flaccid and the condom might come off. If this is a concern, don’t break for too long or simply pull out and spoon for a bit.)

I hope these tips and tricks will help disabled queers break the stereotype that we “must be bottoms” and prove that we can do a lot more than just lay there. To all you able bodied partners: I challenge you to hop on and find out what the human dildo can do!