Getting To Fire Island In 11 Easy Steps (Step One: Wake Up): WATCH

We admit it: Like a lot of New York queens there was a time we dreaded going to Fire Island. Oh, not because we didn’t want to frolic in a sunny oasis of tawny flesh—far from it. It was the ridiculously schlep! Take the subway to the train, transfer, take the train to the jitney (which for years we thought was a tugboat) to the ferry and then, finally, take the ferry to Fire Island. Our morning Bloody Mary just won’t last that long!

Now, of course, we’re old hands (not too old!) and can get from Penn Station to Cherry’s blindfolded. But we know some of you kids are still a little daunted by the prospect of a confusing trek. Thankfully, Fire Island Pines has produced this easy-to-use guide to getting to Fire Island in just 11 quick steps.

It’s so simple an Andrew Christian model could follow it!