The Golden Globes mark the official beginning of red carpet season (sorry, People's Choice Awards), when everyone cinches, starves, and carves themselves up to fit into eye-popping designer outfits. (And that's just the men).

Who killed it on the carpet—and who just died? We're glad you asked.

We call on the spirit of Joan Rivers to guide us as we peruse the red carpet at the 2016 Golden Globes.

Laverne Cox

Laverne said this was her first Golden Globes and she nailed it one. The gown is simple, so it's all about the fit—which is phenomenal. Clean lines, no necklace—a win across the board.

And looks even better from the back.

Maggie Gyllenhaal

Maggie, don't move, but there's something crawling on your shoulder.

Oh, that's part of the dress? #bless

Bernadette Peters

You know Bernadette is going to show up on the carpet snatched for the gods, wearing something that shows off her phenomenal figure. And this certainly does.

But the color is just a little too close to her hair color, making her look like she walked off the set of Once Upon a Time. (Wait, did she?)

Amber Heard

The flow of Amber Heard's dress is mesmerizing, and we're loving the makeup. But that floral necklace makes it look like her head was whacked off and then stuffed back on.

Viola Davis

Lose the see-through sleeves and then we'll talk.

Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart

There's not a whole lot a guy can do with his tux—except make sure it's not wearing him. But Harrison Ford looks effortlessly comfortable here, and Calista looks more like herself than she does on Supergirl.

They look happy—and they make us feel happy—so we call it a win.

Jason Schwartzman

The first example of unfortunate facial hair on the red carpet. And we've never been a fan of Jason Schwartzman with this haircut.

If you must keep it this length, Jason, at least put it in a ponytail.

Leonardo DiCaprio

Points to his stylist matching the bowtie to his piercing blue eyes, but formalwear plus scruffy goatee gives us a Colonel Sanders vibe.

Eddie Redmayne

We actually like the design on the jacket—something different, at least.

But by not continuing it through the trousers, it feels like Eddie picked them up as separates at Top Man.

Also, comb your hair.

Kirsten Dunst and Garrett Hedlund

Dunst and Hedlund are engaged after three years together, and he looks thrilled about it. Kirsten looks like she's about to keel over.

It's a gorgeous dress, and she's got the body for it. But it's supposed to make you shout "va-va-va voom!" not "is there a doctor in the house?"

Oscar Issac

More facial hair on the carpet. What can we say? We just think getting dressed up means being clean-shaven.

And there's too much product in his hair. We want to be able to run our fingers through Poe Dameron's hair and not think of the swamps on Dagobah.

The tuxedo looks nice.

Helen Mirren and Brian Cranston

Helen looks flawless (as always) and Cranston looks absolutely delighted to have her on his arm. But the black tie with the black shirt and black jacket is not happening for us.

Katy Perry

We like the throwback look, but it should have been a hint, not a reenactment.

Katy looks like a cross between a young Priscilla Presley and Lisa Marie in Mars Attacks.

We're pretty sure that's not the look she was going for.

Denis O'Hare

O'Hare snatched everyone's attention with these gold-and-black platform heels, a salute to his glamorous American Horror Story character, Liz Taylor. He's such a down-to-earth guy it doesn't feel stunt-y.

And the rest of the look—especially the houndstooth blazer—is so well put together. Bravo, Denis!

Kate Winslet

It's... nice? Kate usually blows us away on the red carpet but we're a little underwhelmed here.

Maybe it's the strap? A clean neckline would have been a bit more chic.

Lola Kirke

Lola Kirke is a gorgeous woman—and we loved her in Mistress America.

If she were appearing in a Pre-Raphaelite tableau vivant, we'd say her look is perfect. But at a contemporary awards show, it feels a little out of place.

Lady Gaga

Considering what Gaga has worn to awards shows before, this is practically puritanical.

The bleached-Monroe do is a little ho-hum, but the silhouette is divine and her skin is positively glowing. (We'll just credit Taylor Kinney with that.)

And honestly it's great to see more of the real Stefani Germanotta on the carpet, and less of a costume.

Julianne Moore

The Freeheld star rarely makes a misstep on the red carpet, but we don't know if sapphire is really her color.

And it's definitely too matchy-matchy with the jewelry.

Jennifer Lawrence

J-Law usually looks so fetching at awards show that even male actors are inspired to mop her look. But this is just weird.

The heavy jewelry, shapeless top and cutouts just age her terribly. She's 25 years old, but looks like she's already on her third marriage.

David O. Russell, meanwhile, looks like a million bucks.

Michael Fassbender

Another perfectly good look ruined by stubble. Do guys think its like an accessory for their face?

Cate Blanchett

No other human being could make this outfit work (save possibly Tilda Swinton).

It's like Cate is saying to us, "I'm such an amazing actress, that right now I'm playing a beautiful movie star who stuns everyone with her glamour and beauty."

Is there an award for Best Performance on the Red Carpet?