It was a pants-off party last night on Gossip Girl, but it was all with lady parts and as you know on NewNowNext.com that don’t impress us much. But, as you know, we’re really not watching for eye candy other than fashion. So, here are the big style lessons from Gossip Girl from last night:
1. You Don’t Have To Be Fashionable to Have a Fashion Show
Blair Waldorf had a fashion show. That’s right the girl who matches literally everything in her wardrobe is in charge of her mother’s fashion line.
2. You Can’t Have A New Fashion Line, Without An “It” Girl.
At first, Blair is advised to go back to their old “it” girl from season 1, Serena. When Blair asks her though, she learns that Serena is a step mom in training.
But of course, no child on Gossip Girl is well-behaved or well-meaning. So, when Serena comes home she learns that the daughter, Sage, has told dear ol’ dad, that Serena got her a modeling gig as the “it” girl in Blair’s show.
Serena agrees, because she wants to get with pops, a.k.a. 7th Heaven Steven.
3. If You’re Going To Be In A Fashion Show, Be Prepared To Show Skin
Off to the fashion show where there is, of course, a twist.
That’s right, Sage ruins the show by stripping down to her training bra and boy shorts.
This stuns fashion crowds who find it offensive to see a minor so scantily clad (Apparently, they don’t listen to pop music, nor do they go to any other fashion shows.) and the show ends in disgrace. Sage is smug but in trouble with her daddy for doing being such a spoiled attention seeker.
4. You Can Wear A Suit Anywhere.
On the other side of the city we meet up with Chuck Bass, who shows us that when you’re going to a gym to bribe your dad’s ex-bodygaurd, there’s no need to change out of your suit and purple bowtie.
5. Spike Necklaces Are A Huge Deal This Season.
And in the end, we see that the moral of the story really is — spike necklaces are so totally in this season.
There was some other commotion about how Dan publishes a story about his dad boning a blackmailer, and then screws over Nate with the story, too. But, let’s be honest, none of those dudes dress well.
If this episode is any hint of what’s coming next, Gossip Girl is going to have the most boring finale, ever. Stay tuned here next week so we can show you the most fashionable parts of the most ridiculously tedious show.
Sue Funke is a writer for NewNowNext, AfterElton and AfterEllen social media. On her downtime she enjoys getting style tips from RuPaul’s Drag Race and Joan Rivers.