How To Cover A Foreign Press Conference Hungover

This man’s name is Bruce. Bruce is pictured here contemplating what went wrong in his previous relationship and whether his boyfriend would ever take him back. (Grant’s caption)

Abraham Lincoln. Gandhi. Hillary Clinton.

We all have our heroes.Some are men who move mountains to make a point. Others die before we realize their vast array of talent. And yet others walk among us, existing in the same vacuous state of waiting for trains and coffee we do. Their deeds are quiet and may go unnoticed to all outside of their normal 20k pageviews. They do things most people would find heartachingly boring or unsavory (or both), and try to make it easier for the masses to digest.

They are journalists. And today, we salute one in particular: Grant Howitt.

Grant Howitt is a freelance journalist who specializes in covering video games for the Guardian and FHM. He was sent to Germany to pilfer what he could about Panasonic’s latest creation: TOUGHPAD.

Unfortunately, he found himself in a predicament familiar to most journalists who have spent less than a day on assignment in a foreign country: mind-blowingly hungover.

What resulted from his journey into the shallow, incomprehensible underbelly of this press conference was a journalistic delight. If you’ve ever had to do vaguely important things after a night out, you can relate to Howitt. You have been Howitt. (We have ALL been Howitt.)

Sample quotes to treasure:

“This is TOUGHPAD. TOUGHPAD is my new master. All hail the glorious noise of TOUGHPAD. I am powerless and weak and shuddering before the might of TOUGHPAD. I am a snivelling worm, a directionless and flabby thing before the majesty of TOUGHPAD.”

“Wood-panelled meat Narnia.”

“I wanted to be a Sky pirate. I don’t understand any of this.”

Thank you for experiencing this conference like we all would. Grant, you are Tuesday’s hero.

NOW GO READ IT!

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