Broke-Ass Halloween: ‘Dance Moms’ Abby Lee

Single and ready to make children cry

Abby Lee Miller is one of the most horrible people in the world, but in the best way possible. She is the kind of horrible person who is aware of her attitude, in this case berating young children, and yet is not really to blame thanks to the vapid and insipid parents who allow their children to be berated by this large and in charge dance dictator on a daily basis. Go Abby!

So why not dress as Abby this Halloween guys. You can eat all you want, the bigger the better, and every time you scream at a friend just claim you are in character. So let’s give Abby the broke-ass treatment and see how you can look just as awful as her for five bucks.

What You Will Need:
Lack Of Maternal Instincts (Free.)
Black Leggings (You got some.)
Large Black Tee-Shirt (You got one.)
3-4 Bedroom Pillows (You got some.)
The Make-Up Case Of Someone Over 75 (Steal it.)
Black Wig (5 bucks here.)

How To Put It Together:

1. Go outside and scream at neighborhood children.

2. Put on leggings and tee-shirt, stuff as many pillows as possible under tee-shirt.

3. Go outside and start sprucing up all the neighborhood children’s costumes by exposing their midriffs. Show blatant disgust to any mother who feels this is an inappropriate look for her seven-year-old daughter.

4. Apply all of the make-up you stole from whatever old lady you could find. Bright clashing colors are key.

5. Have the above neighborhood mother arrested for challenging you.

6. Put on wig.

7. Lumber on over to your local party.

You did it! You are a star in the vein of Pittsburgh’s greatest dance instructor ever Abby Lee. Admire your look for a bit at the party and then look for someone dressed as Isadora Duncan and rush over to correct their technique. It’s the Abby Lee way.