[caption id="attachment_32270" align="alignright" width="607" caption="Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder?"][/caption]

Why did they cancel Arrested Development? Why do you stupid people keep watching horrible comedies and not the things you are supposed to be watching? You all make me so angry.

So anyway, Tobias Funke is kind of the sexually conflicted uncle I never wanted and therefore the sexually conflicted uncle you never wanted, so let's honor his never nude tendencies with today's broke-ass costume -- five bucks or less.

What You Will Need:

Super Short Jean Cutoff Shorts (Free, make them lazies.)

SOS pads (They are under five bucks, trust me. It's been two weeks of this and I am too tired to search and CVS and Duane Reade are showing no search results.)

Glasses (Borrow and/or steal)

How To Put It Together:

1. Blue yourself.

2. Put on cut-offs.

3. Take some SOS pads and scatter them across your chest. Also make a mustache.

4. Call Mrs. Featherbottom.

5. Put on glasses.

You have done it! You are a never nude. Don't say never nude however, if anyone asks you are an anal-rapist.