Aw Gwynnie, we love you so much. You, and your hair, and your macrobiotic eating and your Goop -- it's all so wonderful. And we've even warmed ever so slightly to your Coldplay-fronting hubbie Chris Martin, though secretly think you married him just so you could pretend to be British.

Anyway! Now that you're the big 4-0, we thought we'd take a look back at your current and former lovers -- and rank them according to hotness. Of course.

5. Chris Martin:Yes, yes, he's a rock star, but there's something I don't know, milquetoast about this guy. He needs to bulk up, and stop wearing weird militaristic uniforms. He just seems like one of those dudes who would read Kierkegaard in bed and get annoyed when you were trying to seduce him. Also, these two are so strange: There are hardly ANY pictures of them together, at all. Guys! Stop it! 2 out of 5 Goops.

4. Bryan Adams Yes, it's true: Gwyneth briefly went Canadian in 2002 and dated the "Everything I Do" singer. Maybe they traded hair gel tips? 2 out of 5 Goops.

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3. Ben Affleck -- You've got to hand it to Ben: he's dated some super hot chicks -- despite the fact that he kind of looks like a slightly handsomer version of your kid's fourth grade math teacher. 3 out of 5 Goops.

2. Robert Sean Leonard: In the early-mid '90s, Gwynnie briefly dated Robert Sean Leonard. He is hot -- and he was in Dead Poets Society, which is girl boner-central. 4.5 out of 5 Goops.

1. Brad Pitt -- Is there any hotter boyfriend in the world than Brad Pitt? Especially late '90s Brad Pitt when he was in his golden-tressed, chiseled jaw prime? These two dated for quite a while, and eventually ended up with weird matching haircuts and scowls. 5 out of 5 Goops!

Happy Birthday Gwynnie!

Julie Gerstein adores Dead Poets Society. Follow her at @havethehabit.