[caption id="attachment_96297" align="aligncenter" width="607"] NAMBLuhh[/caption]

Dr. Ben Carson, Johns Hopkins Medical School neurosurgeon and all-around gem, will not be providing the commencement speech to this year's elite class of easily annoyed prescription scribblers after going on Fox News and likening gay sex to bestiality and pedophilia.

The valiant defender of heterosexuals and of doctors remaining as absolutely filthy rich as possible was slated to headline his university's convocation, but after a careful consideration has chosen to withdraw.

For the students, of course.

"Given all the national media surrounding my statements as to my belief in traditional marriage," wrote Dr. Bitterpants in an email sent Wednesday to medical faculty dean Paul Rothman. "I believe it would be in the best interests of the students for me to voluntarily withdraw as your commencement speaker this year. My presence is likely to distract from the true celebratory nature of the day."

Even more likely? Your absence will add to the the true celebratory nature of the day...

Dr. Carson previously caught heat for the Fox News comments, in which he invoked the all-powerful North American Man/Boy Love Association:

“My thoughts are that marriage is between a man and a woman. It’s a well-established, fundamental pillar of society and no group, be they gays, be they NAMBLA, be they people who believe in bestiality–it doesn’t matter what they are–they don’t get to change the definition…”

He non-apologized, using a "perplexing fruit analogy," and non-apologized again on Wednesday while withdrawing himself from the ceremony. Though he made no reference to fruits or NAMBLAs, Dr. Carson was able to deftly insert the phrases "resolve problems" and "inclusive of everyone" after competely sticking to his hate-guns.

"Someday in the future," the email continued, "it is my hope and prayer that the emphasis on political correctness will decrease and we will start emphasizing rational discussion of differences so we can actually resolve problems and chart a course that is inclusive of everyone.”

Be on the look out for more double-think from the good doctor soon! Social conservatives latched onto him for hoping and praying right in the face of the president in February and his sudden loud mouth and popularity within the Republican party's hate-mongering factions comes conspicuously close to his planned June retirement.

Dr. Carson for NAMBLA president!