R.I.P. Henry Cavill as Superman: A Celebration in GIFs

Cavill will no longer be reprising his role as Superman but who could possibly fill ALL THAT spandex?

As a devoted fan of superhero films, I have to say: the DC cinematic universe is hot garbage. Who wants to fight? Come at me! I’ve got a wig with your name on it.

Sure, Wonder Woman was pretty good while the Nolan Batman films set an impossibly high bar, but I don’t think there’s been a truly watchable Superman movie since Superman II. That being said, Henry Cavill is the best Superman ever—physically. I mean, when you think Man of Steel…

So it was with a heavy heart and an even heavier crotch that I read of Warner Bros. shifting focus away from Kal-El to other properties in the DC canon, like The Flash, Wonder Woman 1984, Birds of Prey, and a standalone Supergirl movie. While I think that’s a great idea—superhero movies are noticeably lacking in diversity, as Kit Harington recently pointed out—but I’m gonna miss watching Superman movies alone in the dark of my room with the sound off. So in the spirit of shameless thirst, here’s to you, Mr. Cavill. Dawn of Justice was terrible.

First of all, Clark Kent is the ultimate bae, just all nerdy and secretly hot for no reason.

To quote one of my favorite films, Pineapple Express, “Mmm, big sexy with glasses”

Here’s another angle because they’re all good and what else are you doing?

I’m pretty sure he has no idea what he’s talking about but I’m in full agreement with whatever it is.

Meanwhile, you could serve a three-course meal in that cleft-chin.

Eat your dead heart out, Cary Grant.
 

Even without glasses, this face could launch a thousand ships.

Helen of Troy ain’t got SHIT on him.

The cut of this tank top is very Jersey guido, which…thank you.

I wonder if said tank top is on eBay? Asking for a friend….

Honestly, the next Superman better be able to pull off this level of hot even when it looks like he’s taking a monster dump.

Now that’s what I call a shitty situation.

Am I the only one who imagines that this is Superman grabbing their hair in a rough but gentle way as a prelude to some light BDSM?

Anyone? Just me?

I know this is CGI or whatever…

But I choose to believe it’s real. It’s called suspension of disbelief. And I am fully suspended.

Even when the green screen is evident.

You can’t tell me he’s not doing superheroic stuff with that oily back.

Um, pardon me while I look for a good yet reasonably priced plumber…

Because this beard just made me flood my basement.

Justice League really missed a prime opportunity by digitally removing this glorious ’stache.

The opportunity being my basement, ground floor, attic, and crawl space being flooded.

One of my favorite things out of the Henry Cavill Superman era is all the footage of him just up in the gym working on his fitness.

Cavillicious.

Speaking of which…

God bless the Super Buns.

Those Kal-El cakes, doe…

The last of its kind, indeed.

And let’s not forget the Super Bulge.

God bless and preserve the Super Bulge forever and in perpetuity.

Especially when wet.

What, it was for charity, or something!

Dawn of Justice could’ve been a much different, and better, picture if we explored this sexual tension.

But director Zach Snyder prefers his homoeroticsm as subtext. Really, really explicit subtext.
 

Well, I don’t know about you, but I need a cigarette. How’d I do, Henry?

Aww, how sweet. Dawn of Justice was still crap warmed over. We’ll miss ya!

Lester Fabian Brathwaite is a Brooklyn-based writer, editor, bon vivant and all-around sassbag. He's formerly Senior Editor of Out Magazine and is currently hungry.