I Have Had It (Officially) With Excessive Studs On Everything

studs are over

Studs used to be cool. A little punk embellishment on a dress or pair of worn-out boots could add some rough-around-the-edges appeal. Think Gaga in the video for “Telephone.”

Nowadays, though, they’re everywhere—studs on heels, jackets, sweaters, sneakers, Baby Bjorns. (Hint: if Portlandia has picked up on a trend, it’s time to do some soul-searching.)

Here are five stud-heavy styles that need to go, ASAP.


Vests

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Finding a vest without studs at Forever 21 is like finding an women’s XL at Abercrombie & Fitch. (Case in point.) And the studs are all either on the lapels or shoulders,turning what used to be a symbol of individuality into a nearly fascist example of consumer conformity.


Flats

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I feel like I’m staring into the eyes of a great white shark. For real, though, I never looked at a pair of loafers covered in studs and thought “yeah, that’s edgy.”

No, these make your feet look like Bowser.


Shorts

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This is a three-for-one abomination: studs, acid wash, and crosses (I’ll save that for another post). It amuses me to imagine what kind of person would pay $70 for these because they “fit their personality.” Whose personality is defined by wearing a dainty cross-stud silhouette on over-distressed shorts? Is there anything genuine about you?


Jackets

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I know you’re trying to say “I’m bad-ass,” but what’s coming out is “Don’t hug me or I might puncture you!”


Heels

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It doesn’t matter that these pumps are by Jeffrey Campbell. It doesn’t make them any less overdone or annoying.

You want to be a real standout? Avoid studs at all costs.