I Need A Hero: Which Summer Savior Is Your Ideal Man Of Steel?
Summer blockbuster season is well underway, and you know what that means: millions of innocent, nameless and mostly faceless people are in mortal peril. Fortunately, there's always a hunky hero around to save the day just (at least in the movies). You know the type: Extraordinary abilities, chiseled jaw, penchant for rescuing children and puppies while shirtless.
We've got a plethora of fine-looking do-gooders on the big screen this summer, so which would you want in your corner when some world-domination-hungry baddie comes to town?
The NewNowNext Guide to Choosing Your Super-Savoir for Summer 2013
Superman
Man of Steel, opens June 14
Origins: Henry Cavill is the latest in a long line of super-studs to tackle the first and best super-savoir. Plus, as an orphan from the distant planet Krypton, he's got that whole empathic thing going for him.
Costume: Not the greatest: Cape, blue tights, red briefs — seriously, only the strongest man on Earth could get away with this.
Assets: Faster than a locomotive. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
Weaknesses: Kryptonite, and the inability to disguise himself with anything better than a pair of glasses.
Rescue Style: Airborne
When You’ll Need Him: Basically, Superman is an all-purpose savior—and worth going all damsel-in-distress for.
Wolverine
The Wolverine, opens July 26
Origins: Hugh Jackman returns for his sixth appearance as the age-defying, military-enhanced mutant X-Man, this time up against samurai in modern Japan.
Costume: Pants. Pecs. Serious sideburns.
Assets: Adamantium skeleton, healing factor, gravity-defying hair.
Weaknesses: Rage issues and a soft spot for redheads. Plus, going through airport security is a real nightmare.
Rescue Style: Slashing and more slashing.
When You’ll Need Him: Humans evolving into mutants is totally happening. Until then, he’s a handy substitute for a can opener.
The Lone Ranger
The Lone Ranger, opens July 3
Origins: Armie Hammer is lawman-turned-vigilante John Reid, who teams up with Native American spirit-warrior sidekick Tonto (Johnny Depp, taking a break from playing white-faced freaks in Tim Burton movies to play a white-faced freak in a movie from the director of Pirates of the Caribbean.).
Costume: Black suit. White hat. Black bandana. Badge. At least he isn't wearing a dead crow on his head.
Assets: White stallion. Silver bullets. Penchant for justice. Plus, Johnny freakin' Depp is his wingman. We're suitably impressed.
Weaknesses: His sidekick can be easily mistaken for the Mad Hatter, Edward Scissorhands or Willy Wonka.
Rescue Style: Explosive, with an Old West flair.
When You’ll Need Him: If your stagecoach gets robbed.
Dave Lizewski
Kick-Ass 2, opens June 28
Origins: Aaron Taylor-Johnson returns as the self-styled superhero with, y'know, no superpowers.
Costume: Unflattering green-and-yellow bodysuit from the TMNT reject pile. (Taylor-Johnson's a looker out of the getup, though.)
Assets: A foul-mouthed experienced sidekick in Hit Girl, and villains who tend be even nerdier than he is.
Weaknesses: Again, no powers. Just a teenager in a mask.
Rescue Style: Improvised and a little sloppy.
When You’ll Need Him: If McLovin’ decides to take over the world, he may be your best hope.
John Cale
White House Down, opens June 28
Origins: Channing Tatum plays a blockhead who scores a job interview with the Secret Service. And then bombs it. And then nails it when he rescues President Jamie Foxx (no, seriously) from a large-scale attack.
Costume: A respectable suit for his job interview — but he does eventually strip down to a tank. (Thanks, terrorists!)
Assets: Competent enough in a crisis to boss around the Leader of the Free World. Basically, Obama is taking orders from John McClane.
Weaknesses: A daughter in peril. You just know that’s going to make for a tough choice in the climax.
Rescue Style: Smooth and quippy.
When You’ll Need Him: Any time Olympus has fallen and Gerard Butler is otherwise engaged.