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If You Want To Jizz In Your Co-Worker's Coffee, Go To Minnesota

A Minnesota man was charged with sexual assault after ejaculating into the coffee of a female coworker, as well as onto her desk, but it looks like he's getting off... scott free.

Related: Harlem Pastor Continues To Insist Starbucks Lattes Are Filled With Gay Semen, Can Make You Pregnant

A judge threw out the case—stating that, according to state law, since defendant John Robert Lind never touched the woman's body or clothes with his baby batter, it wasn't assault.

Lind worked with his victim, Pat Maahs, for 14 years. Maahs admitted that over the last six months, her coffee has "tasted funny."

She's fighting to have Lind registered as a sex offender, and at least there's an effort to make sure such a miscarriage of justice won't happen again: A bill authored by state Rep. Debra Hilstrom (D-Brooklyn Center) makes acts like Lind's a felony if bodily fluids are ingested by the victim.

Now excuse us while we go wash our eyes out with Listerine.

h/t: Huffington Post

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