I’m Straight But I Love Chatting With Gay Guys On OKCupid

"The idea of sex with men is gross to me, but the idea of being close and shooting the sh*t is cool."

We know not everybody goes on dating sites looking for love or sex—some people are just there to make friends.

Like the anonymous reddit user who says he goes on OKCupid and chats with gay guys. The wrinkle is Romeo (we’re gonna call him Romeo) is straight, and only started skimming OKCupid’s gay profiles because he had no luck with the ladies.


Romeo writes:

I’m a straight guy, I guess. So I’m on OKcupid. Just checking things out, and these women are just stuck up and kind of defensive. Some are just rude as hell.

So I start checking out the gay dudes, and I’ve been thinking about going to a gay bar, cause, why not. I can get women, mind you, but, eh, I’ve always had so much more fun with guys, normally. The idea of sex with men is gross to me, but the idea of being close and shooting the shit is cool. That’s just me though.

So I start msging gay dudes. I tell them what’s up, like what I’ve explained above, and they are so cool to me! Nearly all of them take the time to msg me back, talk to me about introducing me to bars, or going with them and meeting some people. It’s so nice just to have someone talk to me and not instantly assuming I’m an ax-wielding maniac.

Anyway, I just wanted to say this, thanks.

Is Romeo doing anything wrong? Is he kidding himself about his sexuality?

He’s upfront about his situation, and the guys seem pretty cool about it, but are they likely to get the wrong impression anyway?

The responses to his post were divided.

Man using laptop at outdoor cafe

Some commenters didn’t like the fact that he went into a LGBT subreddit to declare “sex with men is gross.”

“You can’t honestly expect to come in here and say that, and be well-received, can you?” wrote one person “I’m glad you’re enjoying your tourism, but try not to talk down to the locals in their safe spaces.”

Some said OKCupid was more civil than other places, while others made it clear there are plenty of terrible gay people out there—”Being gay doesn’t make you immune from being a bad person.”

One user, though, theorized why a self-identified straight guy would be treated so nicely by gay men:

I think the reason you might be getting a good reception is because (A) gay men tend to get less time-wasters on dating sites and because (B) it fits with the pattern of how a lot of friendships between gay men do get started—on dating sites or hookup apps.

People will go out on a date or hook up or whatever, then decide that there’s no spark for anything long term, but they still want to hang out and have a drink or go out to party or whatever. Part of that is that in most places (huge metropolises like NYC, SFO, London, Paris etc. excepted), the gay community in a particular city can be pretty small and unlike with dates among straight people, you are quite likely to bump into them again in bars and clubs, so you have to try to do your best to stay on speaking terms.

And because they might introduce you to someone else who you are more into.

We wonder if anyone has made a Match.com solely for making friends?

Dan Avery is a writer-editor who focuses on culture, breaking news and LGBT rights. His work has appeared in Newsweek, The New York Times, Time Out New York, The Advocate and elsewhere.