We hate to report this, but the fourth episode of everyone’s favorite singing competition was a bit of a snooze-fest (and by “snooze-fest,” we mean there were no gay moments to perpetuate our awesome theme of why The X Factor is the gayest show on television). Of course, there were some fun highlights. There was super cute single dad, Jeffery Gutt, with his even cuter 4-year-old son who blew the roof off the arena with an amazingly soulful rendition of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah.” There was Fresh Prince of Bel Air look-alike (Demi’s words, not ours), Willie Jones, who shocked everyone by singing a twangy country tune. And then there was 21-year-old hair dresser, Kristen Colon, who, after a thunderstorm caused the lights to go out in the middle of her terribly pitchy “I Have Nothing” (you know you’re bad when even God gives you a “no”), went ballistic backstage – crying, throwing water at the camera and running off into the rain. Dramatic!
So, we got to thinking. What can we do for you on nights when this show is less than its normal extravaganza of spectacular, mind altering gay entertainment? How about a drinking game? That’s always a good time (unless you’re underage or in AA, in which case, just re-read the first paragraph and call it a day).
We will probably update these rules once the season has progressed, but for now:
Drink every time someone gets all “yes” votes. We know, we know. This happens a lot. But you’re trying to get your buzz on here, right?
Drink every time a judge says that a contestant has “The X Factor.” Again, you’re in it to win it, yes?
Drink every time every time a contestant gets all “no” votes. Are you sensing a trend here?
Drink a sip of the beverage owned by the person sitting to your left every time Britney golf claps. Isn’t it so darn cute?
Drink every time someone sings an Adele song. So much Adele this season!
Drink twice every time there is a shot of Britney cringing at a contestant. That girl cannot hide her emotions, y’all, and it’s amazing.
Take a shot every time someone you think is going to be terrible ends up being amazing. We love it when this happens.
That should do it. If you can still see straight at the end of the night, then you didn’t follow the rules. We suggest rewinding and playing again.