Jem knows Broadway!
Sorry, Megan Hilty! Move over, Katharine McPhee! Television’s greatest Broadway diva is actually Jem.
Oh you know. Jem! From Jem & the Holograms! (If you don’t know that cartoon rock band and their amazing 80s television show, then start here and get ready to waste a weekend watching every episode.)
In this important video, Jem tells us everything we need to know about Broadway.
For instance, a musical needs “singers and dancers steppin’ in time, music you hum, [and] lyrics that rhyme.”
I mean… right?!? NOW it seems obvious. Someone tell Sondheim.
And performers? Well, they’d better serve some toe tappin’ and some thigh slappin’, or they are OUT OF HERE. Do you hear me Audra McDonald? Slap those thighs.
Clearly, the next season of Smash needs to listen to Jem. The characters could clear up so many problems if they would just take her advice. In fact, I’d like to start a petition to get Jem and the Holograms on every episode next year. And before you say that flesh-and-blood actors can’t make a musical alongside cartoons, let me remind you that Jem is only a cartoon if you refuse to believe in miracles.
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Previously: Disco Civil War ballad is history’s greatest song
Mark Blankenship tweets as @IAmBlankenship. He’d like to thank Broadway experts @TheCraptacular for leading him to this unforgettable song.
