How Gay Is the New King Princess Album? Let’s Assess.

Our track-by-track breakdown of "Cheap Queen."

The moment we’ve all been waiting for since 2018’s “Pussy Is God” is here: the release of Cheap Queen, King Princess’ debut studio album, which dropped this Friday, October 25.

To celebrate accordingly, we’ve compiled an exhaustive breakdown of the record’s track list, complete with a quantified ranking of just how queer each track is (we’ve also factored in the song’s accompanying music video if it’s been released). Our system goes from 1 to 10, with 10 being the gayest of gay, and 1 being so straight, it borders on homophobic.

Happy listening, cheap queens!

  1. “Tough on Myself”

    Erika Goldring/FilmMagic

    Who among us can’t relate to the sentiment of being too damn hard on ourselves? “Tough on Myself” definitely resonates, but its gay appeal is almost nonexistent.

    Queerness Ranking: 2/10

  2. “Useless Phrases”

    This quirky interlude clocks in at just 1 minute, 16 seconds, so the scope of its queerness is difficult to accurately gauge. It’s definitely an earworm, though, so there’s that!

    Queerness Ranking: 4/10

  3. “Cheap Queen”

    GIPHY

    KP earns some serious gay points for the album’s title track—and its super-queer music video, which features an OTT King Princess all dragged up for a “Cheap Queen” ’90s-style beauty pageant. The styling, though! We’re obsessed.

    Queerness Ranking: 9/10

  4. “Ain’t Together”

    “We say ’I love you’ but we ain’t together / And do you think labels make it taste much better?” KP cuts right to the chase with the chorus on this one. It makes for a nice contrast to the lesbian U-Haul stereotype: Some queer women fear commitment, or steer clear of the emotional intimacy that comes with defining one’s relationships. We contain multitudes, people!

    Queerness Ranking: 5/10

  5. “Do You Wanna See Me Crying?”

    Erika Goldring/FilmMagic

    “Do You Wanna See Me Crying?” is another short, funky interlude. While it feels perfectly at home between “Ain’t Together” and “Homegirl,” it’s pretty asexual and not anything to write home about.

    Queerness Ranking: 3/10

  6. “Homegirl”

    Ah, “Homegirl.” Everything about this song—from its nonchalant title to KP’s breathy vocals and anguished lyrics—screams, “I’m falling in love with a straight and/or emotionally unavailable girl!” It hurts so good. Just check out this chorus:

    And you taste like danger, but I feel so safe in your arms

    And I like the way that you talk slow

    Spelling my name with your tongue, so

    You don’t have to say it

    We’re friends at the party, I’ll give you my body at home

    Queerness Ranking: 7/10

  7. “Prophet”

    “Prophet” was released as a single earlier this year, and for good reason. The sultry track, which details a worshipful, borderline-codependent romance, is arguably the most sophisticated song off Cheap Queen, pairing badass guitar riffs with verses that showcase KP’s vocal chops. Its campy, high school football–themed music video is a treat, too.

    Queerness Ranking: 8/10

  8. “Isabel’s Moment (feat. Tobias Jesso Jr.)”

    More somber in tone than most of KP’s discography, “Isabel’s Moment” is a soulful, heartfelt ballad. To any queer woman who’s ever found herself in a “what are we?” sort of situation-ship, the lyrics are almost painfully relatable: “And I’m still tryna draw all the lines through my friends and my lovers / It ain’t clear how we feel when we spend all this time with each other…” Ms. King scores bonus points for name-dropping a friend-slash-lover in the title, too.

    Queerness Ranking: 7/10

  9. “Trust Nobody”

    Another ice queen anthem for us jaded bitches who’ve been burned by love? Kim Petras is shook. We have to stan.

    Queerness Ranking: 4/10

  10. “Watching My Phone”

    Erika Goldring/FilmMagic

    The heartache still burns in “Watching My Phone,” in which KP waxes poetic about being glued to her phone post-breakup in hopes of a second chance. “And I’m alone / Watching my phone / Thinkin’ ’bout you baby…” Wish I could say I haven’t been there, but I have, and it sucks.

    Queerness Ranking: 5/10

  11. “You Destroyed My Heart”

    Something about this song—perhaps the quirky drum beat, or KP’s layered rounds of vocals—radiates some major Ani DiFranco-slash-Tegan and Sara vibes. Ms. King appears to have gone through the full process of grieving a relationship gone wrong: “It’s the best I had, but I’m moving on… You can break my trust, I just build my funds.” Points for the pick-yourself-upness of it all, and extra points for this perfect second verse:

    I could get you back (That’s cute)

    And we could probably reenact

    But I’m a better fag, and you’re an amateur

    (She seems so lost)

    And it’s cute you wanna be my friend

    It would never work, baby

    Queerness Ranking: 7/10

  12. “Hit the Back”

    KP said it best herself: “Hit the Back” is a bottom anthem for the ages. We definitely don’t disagree (“Ain’t I the best you had? / I let you throw it down, hit the back”), although we must admit the choreography completes the package.

    Queerness Ranking: 9/10

  13. “If You Think It’s Love”

    “If this is love, I want my money back,” KP croons in the opening verse of Cheap Queen’s final song. Her vocals are modulated and backed by a rhythmic synth track. The whole thing feels uncertain, experimental—not unlike KP herself, who, all the glitz and glamour aside, is still a 20-year-old queer person navigating young adulthood in #20BiTeen like the rest of us youths. I’m not crying, you’re crying!

    Queerness Ranking: 5/10

Brooklyn-based writer and editor. Probably drinking iced coffee or getting tattooed.
@_sammanzella