Langford’s Picks and Pans

Days of Our Lives (U.S.)

This storyline has gone nowhere for months with everybody playing the same scenes over and over. Is it going to be this way until we wind down to when Freddie leaves?

I thought it was weird that Ari’s party was family only and that no one could invite their significant others. Exactly what was the point of that?

Did Sonny track Paul down just to tell him that he is proud of Paul for not actively pursuing him? Okay. And Sonny was kind of jerky with Will at the birthday party. Yeah sure, Will was trying too hard, but that doesn’t excuse Sonny being an ass. It’s just so clear that Sonny isn’t invested in his marriage anymore; the scenes are painful to watch. Or maybe it’s just that the acting has gotten so lazy and lacks any energy.

Marlena shading Will with a look is classic Marlena, but what’s the big deal behind Will changing therapists? I’m sure it’s part of some grand scheme of his, but we should have gotten more of a hint because it just made the conversation seem awkward and unnatural.

Paul and John are believable as father and son. Not only do they physically resemble each other, the actors have nice chemistry.

Oh! I like Lucas’ new haircut. It suits him.

Did Will really say he tells the truth for a living? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I did like it when Will told Ari that Paul was the man trying to destroy her family. It’s the only interesting bit of dialogue in all the scenes.

I’m glad that Hope finally suspects Clyde may have been involved in Sonny’s stabbing. Let’s hope it leads to the reveal that Clyde shot EJ. This Clyde storyline is boring. It really needs to end. And Kate dating a guy she knows is a pedophile is just weird.

*Thanks to PINKYSWEAR for the clips!

EastEnders (U.K.)

Not much for Ben or Paul last week as they played supporting roles in everybody else’s storylines. I do like Paul and Lola’s cute rivalry at the salon, even if it is kind of stereotypical that Paul wants to be a stylist. I thought he was a promoter or something for a cruise line. There’s probably not much call for that in Walford, but this new gig seems like a downgrade.

Well, Abi is clearly threatened by Paul and Ben can’t keep his eyes of him. Paul is jealous of Abi and Ben’s relationship. We know that Ben and Paul met secretly last week. Are they sleeping together? Let’s hope their relationship isn’t progressing off-screen.

Why did Phil pay Dean to hire Lola back? Is it his way of helping out his grandchild since Ben has no interest in his own kid?

I don’t watch the show as a whole, but I thought that Dean raped Linda? So how is he walking around town like it never happened?

Emmerdale (U.K.)

I might not like Robert’s tactics, but I wouldn’t want my sister marrying a deadbeat loser like Adam either.

I’m surprised that Aaron and Robert haven’t started sleeping together again, but they haven’t been on that much as the show has given their story a rest. I suspect this current arc is leading to them resuming the affair given that they are clashing and fighting about Adam and Victoria, but their relationship issues are definitely underneath the surface.

I guess Finn is back to playing second fiddle to his mom and/or Val, but even when he did have a boyfriend, the story was still about the women in his life. The scenes about Eric’s birthday were cute, though you could see from a mile away that those pictures would get mixed up. But seriously, Val had Finn take her bedroom pics? Really? Yeesh. I wasn’t happy to hear that Charlie Hardwick, who plays Val, has decided to leave the show. I can’t imagine how they’ll write her out and I hope she doesn’t die of AIDS or HIV-related illness. And unfortunately, it means Finn will probably even have less story now.

Okay, that was a nice reveal that Charity was pregnant, leading to whom the father could be (even though the show is already telling a "who’s the daddy" story), but would the baby really be released from the hospital and in Debbie’s custody hours after it’s born? Not just the medical issues, but there are legal matters to consider. Oh well....

Hollyoaks (U.K.)

Hollyoaks has done a lot of stupid, ridiculous, nonsensical stories. But this has to be one of the worst. Ste realizing that maybe he isn’t that gay after all and going for a real relationship with Sinead is just... ugh. There truly are no words. Is the show saying that Ste is blaming all his problems on being gay and maybe if he was straight his life would be easier? Cause that’s the message I’m getting. Even when Ste was talking about getting together with Sinead it was more about fixing his messed up life than actually wanting a relationship with Sinead. Of course, we know it won’t work out and Ste will realize that you can’t change sexuality (even if the show did that by turning a totally straight Ste totally gay in the first place), but this is a story that did not need to be told. It’s awful on so many levels.

Two weeks ago, Ste was in love with his husband and refusing to sleep with him because he was terrified of giving him HIV. Two weeks later, he’s with a woman and anxious and eager to have sex with no fears at all about the HIV. Hell, the previous day he had sex with Connor, the man who gave him HIV because there was no risk of infection. Emotional logic? What’s that? I did like JP telling Sinead off though. JP is right. Soon Ste will be chasing after another guy and leave Sinead and that baby in the dust. Wish it weren’t Harry though. Still don’t like that upcoming storyline.

I figured that JP and Lockie would eventually happen. They have way too much chemistry for the show not to go there. I really liked the scenes that built up to their kiss, especially when JP broke down in Lockie’s arms. The acting in that particular scene was terrific. And it actually made emotional and logical sense that they’d finally act on the attraction that’s always been between them at that particular time and place and where they are in their lives. Of course HO spoiled it by having the show end on the kiss and pick up the next day. Why do they keep doing that when showing us the immediate after effects of the kiss would be much more dramatically powerful?

And I am disappointed that JP would have slept with Lockie when he dropped by the next day. It’s one thing to give into the moment, but John Paul had the night to think about it and his cousin is married to Lockie and JP knows what it’s like to be cheated on. And while it was just a kiss, it’s evidently not over between them. I just think JP cheating with his cousin’s husband is out of character. Yes, JP did have an affair with Danny while Danny was married to Sam, but JP didn’t know Danny was married until the affair had been going on for months and he ended it (for awhile anyway) once he found out the truth.

Why hasn't Jacqui here been for Phoebe during this storyline? Jacqui was the one who brought Phoebe into the family in the first place. It’s not like Jacqui is in danger from Trevor anymore, which is why she left town to begin with. It makes no sense (other than bad writing) that she wouldn’t be home for her dying foster daughter. The show could at least mention her and give a reason why she’s not there.

I admit that I skipped a lot of Phoebe and Robbie’s romance, but I don’t remember them being all that in love. What I do remember was Phoebe inexplicably dating the homophobe who verbally and physically abused her best friend and her adoptive brother and once they got together, Robbie quickly grew bored and began sniffing after Nancy, treating Phoebe very badly. I know there was a quick reunion before Robbie went to prison, but their romance was not the great love HO makes it out to be. But on this show, that’s par for the course.

I did love John Paul saying in reference to Phoebe’s possible death ‘maybe she’ll be back like the other one’. Ha!

Sienna’s horror that her own daughter tried to kill her was amusing. How many times has Sienna tried to kill her father Patrick? Her brother Mark? It runs in the family, which I guess is the point of this storyline.

Neighbours (Australia)

So Alistair is a closet case. What a shock. I’d rather the show not go this route. I know coming out stories are necessary, but this would be the third for this show in the last few years (Chris, Scotty and now Alistair) and that’s a bit much. Oh well, the good thing about whatever happens between Alistair and Nate is that it won’t last long. Aaron starts this week and judging by the previews and spoilers, those two are definitely headed for romance. The kiss between Alistair and Nate wasn’t bad though so there’s that.

I thought it was funny how Kyle wouldn’t leave Nate and Brett on their date until Susan came along and had to drag Kyle away. But good on Kyle for running interference with Alistair, for all the good it did. Speaking of Kyle, I do like Amy and think she’s a great character, and she and Kyle do have some chemistry, but I’d hate to see Kyle cheat on his wife while she’s out of town dealing with her cancer ridden mother. Though the actress playing Georgia left the show and no one on this show ever stays single for long, so I guess an affair is inevitable.

I’m glad that Nate was able to take down the thug. Given his military background, he should be able to handle himself in a fight. So much nicer than Chris getting beaten up and winding up in the hospital at least once a year.

Nate just has six thousand dollars lying around? Then why is he living with Susan and Kyle when he can afford his own place? Yes I know it’s because everyone lives on the same street, which is the premise of the show, but still! Anyway, Nate has to know that he’ll never get that money back, not from a slacker like Tyler. Hopefully Nate realizes you should never loan money you can’t afford to lose.

Mark’s ass in those shorts....

I’m sorry, but in every scene that Tyler is in, I’m totally distracted by his lips. It’s okay, because he’s not usually saying anything interesting anyway. But I guess all those Tyler and Mark scenes on Friday were the setup for Aaron’s arrival this week. As for the triangle with Tyler/Paige/Mark, I’m still holding out hope for Mark to get back together with Naomi. I don’t often pay much attention to the straight couples on this show because they’re so dreadful (Josh and Amber), but I thought Mark and Naomi were hot and well matched.

Secret Lives (Finland)

So... have the writers been watching Days of Our Lives for tips? Because they just made one of the worst story decisions ever and frankly, I’m not sure if I want to watch anymore.

The show's reveal that Lari and Sanni had drunken sex months ago which resulted in Lari being the father of her baby and not Talle or Janne is a horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE idea. Anybody who reads this column knows I am not a fan of TV's trope of giving gay men babies. I hated it with Days, I didn’t like it the baby storyline with Chris on Neighbours, Christian and Olli’s baby rabies was one of the things that ruined that couple on Forbidden Love. It’s a storyline that has never worked for the gay character and usually results in making them dull, dull, dull. Worse, even if the show did plan it from the start, it simply doesn’t tie into anything we’ve seen on screen for the past months.

Another gay teenager with a baby

Lari and Sanni lived together with Kalle’s family. Lari has been around for the entire pregnancy storyline with all the discussion about the baby's paternity. Sanni and Lari has had tons of scenes together. There was never any sign, any clue, any hint on screen that they slept together and you can’t tell me that Lari never thought once that the baby might be his? Or that he wouldn’t have asked Sanni this before since apparently, she’s known the entire time that Lari was the father? And since Lari is the baby’s godfather, you don’t think he and Sanni would have discussed their night together in light of that!? Ugh! Oh and let’s not forget Kalle talking about confidential medical information, which is how Lari found out.

Of course, we know where this is going. Once Kalle finds out he’ll dump Lari (which he should) and Lari will wind up with the baby since Sanni is not interested in motherhood. Elias is back on the show this fall and since Elias is great with kids, he and Lari will reunite, eventually be raising the baby together. Because there is nothing more interesting than two teenage boys changing diapers. Sigh. This was the show’s season finale. We’ll see if I return when it does because I can’t imagine enjoying watching this mess at all.

Shortland Street (New Zealand)

This cancer story has taken an interesting turn with the discussion of whether to give Pixie marijuana for medicinal purposes. It’s strange to hear this in 2015, as here in the US, it’s an issue that has been pretty much settled given how the laws have changed, but in New Zealand, it’s still illegal and whether there are medicinal attributes are still up for debate. I don’t know how it’s going to be resolved, but I have a feeling it won’t end well for the Hannahs.

So Joe’s physical abuse is why Alex and Joe broke up and it’s no doubt why Alex went back into the closet. We already know that Alex views gay relationships negatively, and getting abused by Joe, who also cheated on him, certainly didn’t help. But obviously Alex is still drawn to Joe, he was ready to get back with him until Lucy walked in. I still think once Alex is rid of Joe that Alex and Jack will probably wind up together. Curtis was teasing Jack about finding a boyfriend and Alex just happens to be doing Pixie’s therapy...

The Fosters (U.S.)

What a really nice episode. I loved Jude and Callie making up and reconciling with their father. The scene where Donald stood up for Jude and said that being bullied at home can be worse than what happens at school was terrific and so true. And the following scenes with Callie and her bio-dad and then with Callie and Donald were really sweet. But AJ moving into that house, even if temporarily sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

I do wish we got to see more of Connor’s life outside of his relationship with Jude. I realize the focus is on the Fosters, but I’d like to see Connor at home and when he’s not with Jude, just for more insight and to flesh out the character. I found myself wondering what it took for Connor’s dad to have brunch with the Fosters and what Connor and his dad talked about after he found out that Connor had been outed at school. It doesn’t seem likely though. And that’s too bad.

This Week in Spoilers

How long before Robert and Aaron’s anger turns to passion?

Emmerdale: Robert and Aaron clash over the situation with Adam and Victoria, who are still missing. Robert tries to distract himself from his fight with Aaron by having sex with Chrissie. Later, Robert’s secretive attempts to track down Adam and Victoria leave Chrissie suspicious about Robert’s shady behavior.

Chrissie thinks Robert might be cheating on her. When she runs into Cain, who is having his own marital woes, the two of them wind up making out. It goes no further than a kiss, but Harriet, who was following Cain per Robert’s orders as he thought Cain might lead him to Victoria and Adam, takes a picture of the smooch.

Later, Chrissie feels guilty when she learns Robert’s secret was that he was trying to find his sister. But she decides not to tell him about the kiss. However, when Robert meets with Harriet, will Harriet tell him what she knows?

What will Robert do when he finds out about Chrissie’s cheating?

Elsewhere, Emma’s schemes work and James starts to get closer to her, doubting if they should go through with the divorce. Finn starts to worry and tells his father about all his mother’s dirty tricks. Angry, James signs the divorce papers, leaving Emma furious. Finn puts himself in the firing line when he tells his mother what he did and begs her to let go of the past.

Hollyoaks: John Paul and The McQueens are relieved after Phoebe has her surgery and looks to be on the road to recovery. She wakes up and she and Robbie declare their love and make plans to get married. However, tragedy strikes when the hospital’s serial killer targets Phoebe, giving her a lethal injection. The family is devastated by her death. Later John Paul get some stunning news when Mercedes tells him a big secret.

There’s a new guy on Ramsay Street....

Neighbours: After their kiss, Nate is sure Alistair is gay, but Alistair claims he was drunk and downplays it. Nate wants to help Alistair deal with his sexuality, but Alistair tells Nate he’s engaged to a woman and doesn't need any help. Meanwhile, Tyler and Mark go to the Waterhole’s bingo night where Sheila has gotten a male stripper to perform. Tyler and Mark are stunned to see that the sexy performer is their brother Aaron, who has quit his day job and is stripping for a living.

Mark called Aaron to help deal with Tyler’s problems, but Mark isn’t happy that Aaron left his job and didn’t tell anyone. Other family issues surface and Aaron and Mark wind up at odds. Meanwhile, Tyler decides to fix Aaron and Nate up on a date, but the date doesn’t go well and Aaron and Nate bicker. Aaron and Nate insist they have nothing in common, but are they in denial?

People of the Valley: Iolo wants William to move in with him, but William’s secret could end their relationship.

How much longer can Alex lie to his family.... and himself?

Shortland Street: The Hannah famly's decision to give Pixie marijuana to help with her cancer backfires after their landlord finds out and they get evicted. Meanwhile, after Alex is beaten up by his ex-boyfriend, Clementine urges her brother to turn Joe into the cops, but Alex refuses. And there’s another twist to the story when Clem and Lucy see Joe and he has the same bruises as Alex...

Teasers For Next Week

Emmerdale: Robert blackmails to get what he wants; Aaron makes a stunning confession....

Robert blackmails Cain...

Hollyoaks: Scott comes up with a wicked plot of revenge....

Neighbours: Nate’s accidental outing of Alistair proves costly....

Shortland Street: Alex decides to end his relationship with Joe...

Will Jude upset Connor with what he has to say?

The Fosters: Jude has surprising news for Connor....

That’s it for this edition of Langford On Soaps. Please share your comments on the thoughts and opinions expressed in this week's column below. See you next week!