Langford on Soaps: Secrets Revealed on “Corrie” and “Hollyoaks” and “General Hospital”

Plus, Declan plots against Finn on Emmerdale, Joscha is attacked on All That Matters and there’s another disastrous party on Revenge.

Langford on Soaps

All That Matters (Germany)

Last week…

The big soccer tournament happens and a pro scout shows up to take a look at Joscha, making him hesitate on coming out. Kai is furious and the two of them fight and break up. Later though, Kai admits to Joscha that he loves him and wants to stay with him no matter what. Spurred on by Kai’s words, Joscha wins the tournament nearly single-handedly and is offered a pro contract. He is so excited about the events that he kisses Kai with everyone and the press watching…..

So Joscha is finally out. Oh well. I could be more excited about the whole story — if I hadn’t seen it all before. This pretty much plays out like the Christian and Olli coming out drama did a few years back, complete with Christian kissing Olli with the world watching and the camera swirling around them. I wonder if the writers and producers have any shame about pretty much copying that previous storyline.

Frankly though I was more interested in what really wasn’t addressed in this whole storyline: Joscha and Raquel’s marriage. Joscha hadn’t bothered to tell Raquel about his decision to come out, which was stupefying to me. Not only that, Joscha and Raquel really didn’t talk about how this is going to affect their marriage, nor did Joscha or Kai seem all that concerned that the marriage could be deemed fraudulent, Raquel could be sent back to Cuba and Joscha arrested. None of this was discussed when this should have been front and center in the storyline. It’s almost as if the writers were determined to have Joscha come out now so they ignored ‘little’ details like the plot they’d constructed.

The question is what happens now that Joscha is out? I’m sure the writers will come up with a way to keep Raquel in the country despite the sham marriage. But those details should not have been ignored just so the show could focus on the romance of Joscha coming out.

Coronation Street (U.K.)

Meh, not much to say here. I really wish there was more of an emotional attachment between Marcus and Todd or that we saw Marcus struggling with his desire for Todd and his relationship with Maria. Everybody is just going through the motions without any real weight to the story. There should be a lot more emotion and depth and heart to the story but instead is just people saying the words and we’re left to figure out what anybody’s motivation is. Shame because this could have been so much more.

Days of Our Lives (U.S.)

I did like the ‘blow up in your face’ scenes between Sonny and Nick. And I liked the scenes between Victor and Sonny where they trashed Nick, but why can’t Sonny and Victor embark on a scheme to get rid of Nick? I’m gonna keep saying things like this until they give these gay boys something of substance to do. Like Victor pointed out, Nick isn’t going anywhere and you have to get rid of your enemies.

Sami and Adrienne going over the ugly family history of wedding at their respective mansions was fun. But what happened to the good old soap days when mothers manipulated and schemed to control their kids’ lives? I miss those days… and they weren’t that long ago. It’s really out of character for Sami to be against the wedding and not take steps to end it. And I really hate that Adrienne went from wanting to stop the wedding to weeping over the upcoming event over a few scenes. The writing for her is so inconsistent. She’ll probably be against it again the next time we see her.

Abigail and Sami’s sudden friendship is so ridiculous. She left the planning of Will’s wedding to go hold Abigail’s hand? I know it’s for the plot, but it makes no sense that Sami would care about Abigail’s problems. Sami doesn’t do friendships.

Those were some raunchy sex scenes between EJ and Abby. No wonder she can’t forget them (not that the show would let us). If only we could see that kind of passion between Will and Sonny.

Will’s Hitler reference was a bit much. The show should really avoid things like that. I do like how Nick mostly finds Will and Sonny amusing though.

**Thanks to MRFIXIT for the clips!

Emmerdale (U.K.)

Poor Finn. Looks like Declan is going to screw him over — and not in a good way like over a desk. I did think the scenes with Charity teasing Finn about his crush on her boyfriend were funny and I won’t lie when I say I’m curious to see exactly what Declan has in mind for Finn and how far he plans to take this.

I had forgotten how much I hated that storyline about Sarah being sick, a story that dragged on forever, if I recall. The show reminded me, unfortunately, with that dumb scene where Sarah gets her latest medical results via email. I find that hard to believe, but I guess it avoids a trip to the doctor’s office. And would two really hot guys like Ross and Pete actually be fighting over that terrible, unlikeable Debbie? Yuck.

General Hospital (U.S.)

We haven’t seen Brad and Lucas in weeks, since Brad told Lucas that it was over and he was going to make things work out with Felix. Instead of talking about what’s going on with them, the first thing they do when they finally see each other is rehash their family history, Lucas’ connections in town and the storyline about A.J.’s shooting. In some extremely awkward dialogue, no less. Not to mention finding out that Lucas learned about Julian being arrested off screen, another beat in this storyline that we were told about and actually didn’t get to see happen.

I guess this is the show’s way of telling us they’re not all that invested in the gay storyline. The lack of airtime is tragic, especially given that the ‘love triangle’ between Spencer, Emma and Cameron, who are all children BTW, gets more airtime. But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. The head writer even said the ‘romantic mess’ between the tykes was his favorite storyline. And it shows. Guess the gays don’t cut it much.

But Lucas asking Brad if he wanted to get to know his mobster family and Brad saying he won’t have to make that choice as they’re all supposedly dead made me wonder if his criminal family aren’t all as dead as we’ve been lead to believe. This is GH after all where people come back to life every other week.

I almost fell over laughing when Felix talked about being old fashioned. This is the same guy who chased after several straight guys in town and talked about how much he wanted to hook up with them, right? But, I’m glad that Felix realizes that Brad owed him nothing and they weren’t exclusive. Still Felix’s attempts to come across as some paragon of virtue who wants sex to be something pure and special are so annoying and not the character we’ve seen on screen for the past year. The only reason he hasn’t gotten laid is because he was chasing after men who didn’t want him and playing fairy godmother to every troubled heroine in town.

But I did like, after Felix witnessed Lucas and Brad kissing, that Lucas looked at Felix as if he were intruding on something, which he was, IMO. The thing is, Felix seems like the outlier in this story, despite his tears. It’s hard to feel sorry for him since Felix is not very likeable and he spent months bitching at Brad before deeming Brad worthy of dating. Like I’ve said before, if you don’t want your man, someone else will be glad to take him off your hands. More importantly, Lucas and Brad have the connection and the chemistry that Felix and Brad don’t and have never had. But what happened between Brad and Lucas after Felix left? How did Brad and Lucas leave things when they were clearly about to embark on something between them before Felix showed up? It would have been nice to have seen it.

So Lucas is now referring to Seattle as someplace he used to live? When did he decide to quit his job (whatever that was) and move to Port Charles? I guess it must’ve happened off screen, like so many other things in this story. It’s the only way to explain why he’s still in town since he only came because of Carly had been kidnapped.

Hollyoaks (U.K.)

I knew this was going to be a difficult week to watch this show with the focus being on that idiotic Ste and his awful, horrendous roommate/best friend Sinead. They just might be my least favorite soap characters ever. One is bad enough, but together, I found myself gritting my teeth through most of last week’s shows.

When Fraser decided he needed to kill Ste so Ste wouldn’t blab about Fraser being the head of the mob, I was like ‘okay, that’s one death on this show I can live with’. Sadly, Trevor talked Fraser out of it with the belief that Ste was too scared to talk. Oh, well. Of course, they underestimated how incredibly stupid Ste is so naturally he was blabbing the first chance he got. I don’t much like Fraser, he’s kind of one note as far as villains go, but I’m okay with anybody being mean to Ste. And frankly, Ste being so self righteous about Fraser being a mobster is kind of hypocritical given that Ste’s ‘great love’ Brendan was a sociopathic thug and I don’t recall Ste ever wanting him to get out of the business.

There is nothing more annoying than a screeching Sinead. And her going after Blessing for taking her money was ridiculous since as Blessing said, would she really be counting out the money she’d supposedly taken right in front of Sinead? I have to admit though while I hated that Sinead went back to hooking to pay the lawyer to get her kid back, I did like the talk that she and Jack had before Freddie busted in. There was actually some nice dialogue and character insight. Shocking from this show, huh? But I found Freddie’s ‘how could you do this, you’re my wife’ stance funny since he’d leave Sinead in a heartbeat if he could have Lynsey.

Sinead really surprised me when she realized that kidnapping the baby was wrong and she was only thinking of herself. It might be the first time in her miserable life she actually did the right thing. I know we’re supposed to feel for her and to be fair the actress is very, very good, but it’s no one’s fault but her own that she’s in the mess she’s in when you look at all the awful things she’s done. And all the caterwauling and showing out further makes the character sooooo unappealing. I’ve said it a dozen times. You can’t have a character do horrendous, despicable things and expect viewers to care when you want them to.

A few notes:

I’m loving Blessing. The actress is pretty good and Hollyoaks needs more people of color. It’s kind of shocking that for such a huge cast and a show that is diverse in many ways, they only have two black characters on the canvas. I suspect that Vincent was an attempt by the show to be more diverse. Too bad the character was so god awful.

I’ve been really impressed by Charlie Clapham’s acting as of late. But for a tough guy thug, Freddie cries an awful lot.

I don’t like how it came about, but I love Frankie’s new haircut. It’s very flattering.

I really haven’t been paying attention to the Patrick/Maxine storyline, but does Maxine really think she can hide her community service stint from Patrick given that they live in such a tiny village where everybody knows everybody?

That yummy Alex is back. I really have to commend the show for casting an actor who looks so much like Paul. And Mercedes does have chemistry with Alex, even if it’s totally skeezy that she’s hooking up with the son of the man she murdered.

I thought that Hilton’s christening was a nice scene and I’m glad that Dirk and Cindy have gotten back together. I think they make a good couple and he’s the kind of guy she needs.

I find it really hard to believe that Amy would just drop the kids off on Ste without letting Ste know she was coming, not to mention leaving the kids with Blessing, who is a perfect stranger.

Nashville (U.S.)

I figured Brent would somehow turn back up in the show again. I thought he’d get a job working for Rayna, but being Layla’s manager makes about as much sense. But I find Brent’s continual concern for Will’s welfare to be annoying and unrealistic. Will got Brent fired from a job he’d held for five years and Brent isn’t the slightest bit bitter or upset? Even worse was Brent advising Will not to break up with Layla because of the possibility of one of his gay lovers popping up out of the woodwork. Before, Brent found Will using Layla to be distasteful, but now he’s thinks it’s just fine? Isn’t Layla supposed to be his client? Or does he think that being with Will helps Layla too? If he did it for that reason, then that might make more sense.

I do agree with Brent about one thing in that if people are raising questions about why Brent was fired and Will’s connection to it, the possibility that Will is gay will eventually occur to a so-called savvy guy like Jeff. In fact, it already should have. As for Layla, clearly the show is going for the innocent maiden route because she is nothing like the sex kitten who only went with Will to further her career.

I guess we’re to feel sorry for Layla because I suspect, having seen the previews that after talking to Gunnar, Will is going to realize that he can’t marry Layla, only for Jeff, who figures out that Will is gay, to force him into it to save his career. Too bad Layla can’t be in on it though. I liked her better as the scheming vixen than the dumb ingénue.

Neighbours (Australia)

You know, all I have to say about this storyline is: I’m bored. Move on please.

Revenge (U.S.)

So… Patrick’s gone again? And judging by the writing (and that actor Justin Hartley has a new pilot he’s working on) I wonder if it’ll be for good. I’d hate to think so, I really liked Patrick. And if he is gone, this means Nolan is left without a romantic interest (again). But I hope that doesn’t last. Nolan deserves a man and to be more than just Emily’s sidekick. But Nolan was right when he said that coming to the Hamptons was having a bad effect on Patrick. I disagree that it’s not just Patrick’s father who brings out the darkness in him, getting caught up in his mother’s schemes and plots are what eventually led him to do the things he did. And while I hope we get to see him again, at least his exit made sense.

What didn’t make sense was the solution to Emily’s blackouts. For a story that started off so well, the solution was kind of lame and didn’t make much sense. Adding newly created flashbacks to explain events the show has chronicled a dozen times was a lazy way to resolve the plot twist. And have we seen the last of Aidan as well? I hope not since I think he and Emily are made for each other. But since the show is pushing Emily and Jack back in each other’s orbits again and like Justin Hartley, Barry Sloane is working on his own show for next season, it doesn’t look so good for the sexy Brit.

Hmmm…. both of Jack’s mothers abandoned him? No wonder he’s got issues. But I’m curious what Stevie’s ties are to the overall David Clarke story? In a sense, it’s good that the show is getting back to its main plot. It’s been wandering around for while now and diffusing its sense of focus.

Secret Lives (Finland)

Poor Miska. He’s doomed. It’s pretty obvious that the show isn’t going play this as a real romantic triangle. Miska is just the nice guy who is going to get run over by Elias and Lari’s epic love. Blech. The thing is, everybody acknowledges that Elias and Lari only made each other miserable and were never happy. The angst was unending, plodding and got boring after awhile. And the actors still have no chemistry. So exactly why should we want them back together? No matter, it’s going to happen, like it or not. Well, the only thing I did like (besides Lari in a towel) was Miska telling Elias he didn’t have time for any games and that Elias had to chose.

Though IMO, if a man you’re seeing runs into his ex and forgets all about you and lies to you about it, the choice has been made. I think Miska should have left Elias’ place and not looked back. BTW, I’m liking Talle’s new look. He should keep it. And is it possible that Elias’ daddy Sebastian is even hotter? Yes, I believe it is possible. And oh, the actor who plays Elias still does that bug eyed thing when he’s ‘shocked’. It’s more funny than anything else. But I don’t think I’m supposed to be laughing.

**Thanks to MISSFINLANDIA for the clips!

The Haves and Have Nots (U.S.)

So Hanna actually spent a chunk the episode wondering why she’d been arrested? Like I said last week, that’s just so implausible. The cops can’t arrest you and not say why, not if they actually want a case. And when she finally did find out why she’d been arrested, it should have been from the police and they would have been doing the questioning. Tony and his lawyer wouldn’t be allowed anywhere near her.

I figured that Hanna’s new friend was working for Jim, that was obvious. And I’m glad Hanna finally told the police Wyatt was driving the car, something that she should have done weeks ago. But then I guess we would have missed out on all these weeks of ‘drama and suspense’.

Oh and oddly enough when Wyatt was arrested, they told him why there and then. Didn’t read him his rights though. They still didn’t get that right.

I did like that scene with Kathryn and Jim where they bickered about their problems while smiling sweetly for the cameras.

That scene where Amanda stabbed her rapist and then walked away laughing was about as badly played as you might expect it would be.

Having Landon show up to be working on the campaign was a nice twist, but as usual the show ruined the soapy moment with some silly and unrealistic dialogue. But I did enjoy the look on Veronica’s face as she clearly knew how Jeffery and Landon knew each other. And I loved when Candace saw Jeffrey and Kelly together and simply said ‘Really Jeffrey, a girl?’ Strange though that Kelly actually had no dialogue. I guess the show didn’t want to pay the actress for a speaking role. LOL….

So the season ended with Jim arranging for Candice to be kidnapped, something the show has been teasing for the past few months. But why would Jim actually be there when it happened? If I were committing a federal crime, I think I’d set myself up an alibi and not be anywhere near it. But like so many other things on this show, it simply doesn’t make sense.

Sadly though I’ll be watching when his train wreck returns later this year.

This Week in Spoilers

Who is following Joscha?

All That Matters: Joscha is relieved to learn that even though he is publicly out, he won’t lose his chance to play soccer professionally. He realizes he needs to tell his father that he’s gay before he finds out in the press, but on the way there, Joscha is attacked and beaten. Kai waits at Joscha’s place for a romantic evening with him, but when Joscha doesn’t show up, he calls David, who tells him he never saw his son. Kai and David go looking for Joscha and find him unconscious.

At the hospital, Kai blames himself for Joscha being beaten up, but Joscha insists he did the right thing by coming out. Later though the trauma of the attack catches up to Joscha and he breaks down in Kai’s arms. Kai is determined to get revenge on the attackers and when suspicion falls on Nick, Kai attacks him and Joscha sees just how angry Kai is and fears what Kai might do to Nick. When Joscha gets upset and collapses, Nick is able to get away. But was Nick the real attacker?

Coronation Street:
Todd schemes to destroy Marcus and Maria’s relationship once and for all by exposing he and Marcus’ affair. Marcus is going to look at a house for he and Maria, but Maria can’t come so Marcus decides to go alone. However, Todd overhears Maria telling Audrey she plans to surprise Marcus by showing up and asks Audrey to come with her. Todd’s plan moves into action. He shows up at the house and while Marcus asks Todd to leave it isn’t long before Marcus gives into his feelings and they kiss. The two of them are going at it as Maria and Audrey walk in and sees exactly what Todd wanted them to.

Disgusted, Maria runs out and an half dressed Marcus goes after her. She slaps Marcus and tells them they are over, leaving Marcus without a girlfriend or a home. Todd tries to convince Eileen to let Marcus move in with them, but Eileen says no. Later, Todd convinces Julie to let Marcus move in with her so he won’t lose his new beau. Later, when Maria spies Todd and Marcus talking, she assumes they are together now and creates an ugly and very public scene.

Emmerdale: Finn is accused of theft, but will Declan come to his rescue?

General Hospital: Brad and Lucas spend some time together and get mixed up in the drama surrounding Britt and Nikolas’ engagement party and the truth about baby Ben. Britt feels guilty about lying and keeping Ben from his real bio mom, Lulu. Brad suggests she write her feelings down in a letter to get rid of the guilt and then destroy the letter. Meanwhile, Lulu tells Lucas that she feels drawn to Ben and it hurts that the baby isn’t biologically hers.

Lucas relays the story to Brad, who begins to feel guilty about his role in the baby drama. Brad decides to tell Lucas the truth, but Britt’s insane mother Dr. Oberect tells Brad to keep his trap shut or else. But it looks like the truth might come out anyway as Britt neglects to destroy the letter detailing her crimes and the letter is found by Elizabeth, who can’t wait to expose everything.

Finn continues to terrorize JP…

Hollyoaks: John Paul’s trial for beating up Robbie approaches and Danny tries to get JP to defend himself, especially after he finds out about the homophobic bullying John Paul has dealt with. Still John Paul is determined to punish himself and readies himself to be put behind bars. But after talking to Nana, JP changes his mind and decides to put a defense. That is, until he runs into Finn, who manages to take away all of JP’s strength. At the hearing when the judge asks JP if he’ll be putting up any defense, JP says no and is bailed out until his sentence in a few days.

Robbie is ready to tell the truth…

Certain he’s going to jail, John Paul has an emotional goodbye with Danny and they and wind up kissing. Unfortunately, Danny’s daughter Peri witnesses the smooch. Ooops! Later, Mercedes comes up with a plan to save JP from jail, by the entire family skipping town and moving away. But will JP agree to that? He might not have to. Robbie is feeling more and more guilty about his harassment of John Paul and that it led to the rape. Robbie warns Finn he’s going to tell the entire truth before JP is sentenced. Finn watches Robbie give Sam an envelope with his changed statement. Desperate to keep the truth from coming out, Finn goes to Sam’s apartment…

In other news, Ste gets caught up in Fraser and Ray’s mob war when he’s tricked into giving Ray, Fraser’s rival, the drug stash belonging to Fraser. Ste realizes he’s made a mistake and tells Trevor. Trevor meets up with Ray, who plans to horn in on Trevor and Fraser’s business whether they like it or not.

Neighbours: Chris continues to worry about his mother, afraid that she’ll relapse and start gambling again. But he’s not sure how to help her. And the matter gets worse after Chris’ father finds out about his wife’s problem and that Chris was keeping it from him. Chris turns to Sonya for help, but can they agree on what to do?

Revenge: Everybody gets glammed up for a splashy party where of course Emily and Victoria have a very public showdown.

Elias can’t forget his past with Lari…

Secret Lives: Even though Lari is back in town, Elias is determined to keep his focus on Miska, which is what everyone encourages him to do. However, Elias can’t stop thinking about his ex. Isabella decides the best way to deal with Lari is to get rid of him and tries to bribe him to get him to leave town.

That’s it for this edition of Langford On Soaps. Please share your comments on the thoughts and opinions expressed in this week’s column below. See you next week!