This letter is part of our inaugural editorial series, “Letter to Myself,” in which we asked 40 remarkable queer people to write a note to their younger selves.
Yeah, you. Before you read any further, do us both a favor and take a deep breath. Breathe. You have a tendency to hold your breath a lot. This alone will cause you more pain than necessary. The physical pain in your neck and back are signals that YOU, not your spine, are out of alignment.
There’s a reason you don’t identify with your body and a purpose in re-discovering your identity beyond the body. Breathe. Gender has become a great hindrance and halted the evolution of humanity. Over centuries, toxic masculinity has been polluting the planet and oppressing femininity wherever it dares to exist. In the process of discovering your gender identity and power, you will be a part of resurgence and restoration of feminine energy into the world and will empower countless women—trans and cis—to find the peace and power in their female identities. Your purpose, however, is not in fulfilling your gender identity, but in maturing beyond your womanhood and blossoming into your Buddhahood.
Forgive them ALL, for they know not what they do. Your biological father won’t be around for most of your life, so don’t hold your breath waiting for him to call or show up. Breathe. Your mother will appear to be your worst enemy, but will eventually become your best friend. Breathe. Your own brothers will bite you in the back, wrap their hands around your neck, and try to kill it out of you, but they too are buddhas to whom you will be grateful. A protection has been placed over your life and even you, who will eventually try to take your own life, will not succeed in doing so. That is how important it is for you to live out your mission. You will find the love of your life and lose it only to discover a deeper more fulfilling love within yourself.
You will be raised in the church for context, but breadcrumbs will lead you back to Buddhism and EVERYTHING will eventually all make sense. This doesn’t mean it will be easy, but you will come to know challenge as the arena where you are conditioned as a champion for the human spirit. Like an alchemist, you turn pain and poison into medicine that can heal all things.
You are a Bodhisattva of the earth and there are a countless number of us who, for all of eternity have planted ourselves like seeds into places where great faith, compassion, understanding, wisdom, and courage are critical.
I’m writing to remind you of the deep vow you took before entering this world. You professed how you could be born into any of the 10 worlds, into any life condition and elevate it to the point of enlightenment. This time, you chose to be born a female spirit in a male body and demonstrate how the profound path of transition leads to enlightenment and to help restore feminine energy and power to the planet. Breathe. You’re on the right path.
Someone will give you a copy of The Voice of Knowledge by Miguel Ruiz. You’ll wait a few years before reading it, but the sooner you do, the sooner the deep dive into your spiritual journey begins. It is that book, as well as The Power of Now and A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle, that will be the catalyst for your spiritual transformation into Buddhahood. Most of the journey you will have to walk alone, but everywhere you go you will always find a friend.
Your beauty will break boundaries, and like a flower whose aesthetic attract attention, it’s ultimately your fragrance, that is to say, your spirit, that will leave a lasting impression on the world well after you’ve left it. Meditate on the lotus flower, how it grows through the murky, muddy water, how it seeds and blossoms at the same time and unfolds unsullied by the environment from which it springs out of. No matter the circumstances, you have the ability to bring about peace. Because of this, you will often be called upon by individuals, as well as government officials and religious leaders from around the world to help propose peaceful practices for humanity.
I know. This all sounds a bit unreal and you will spend a lot of time doubting yourself, but the proof will be in the result of your life as you win over every single obstacle you are faced with. So, breathe, rest, relax, and have fun as much as you possibly can so that you maintain the vitality to be victorious in the mission you set out on. The world is counting on you. No pressure, you got this!
Angelica Ross stars in Her Story and is the founder and CEO of TransTech Social Enterprises.
Read more letters here.