Mary Lambert Pens Personal Poem: “I Know Sometimes You Feel Less Than Human”

The singer opens up about her past and how she's grown.

This letter is part of our inaugural editorial series, “Letter to Myself,” in which we asked 40 remarkable queer people to write a note to their younger selves.

Dear 19-year-old self,
When they tell you that you want too much, say “I was born for this.
I love so huge. My heart is an infinite home, and I have room for you, too.”
When they tell you that you laugh too much,
tell them that your laughter is a skeleton key,
that you laugh because you’ve seen so much dying
how your breath licked the fire of its own close calls
as a 6-year-old hiding in her bed,
or in a car crash,
or underneath a man in an army barracks,
or in a lake,
or holding your mother’s pills—
You laugh because to be actually living is the most hilarious absurd joy that could
possibly exist. To laugh is to be fucking grateful.

Dear 19-year-old self,
I know that the tile in front of the dishwasher feels like an answer to a puzzle,
so you lay on it most nights, chain-smoking, wishing you were in an opera or that maybe you were a ghost
Or a piece of someone else’s kitchen
Something valuable; something not girl.

Dear Mary Lambert,
you did your best.
I know sometimes you feel less than human
more like an unknown planet
more like hot guilt
more like a sleep study
more like an echo of yourself
like a shadow in a doorway.

Dear Mary Lambert,
There is nothing better than reaching beneath your heart and finding that it does
not end.
You are the best version of this story.
We’re all waiting for you.

Mary Lambert begins a tour throughout North America later this month.

Read more letters here.

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