Liveblogging “Days of Our Lives” Just The Facts, Mom

Ace reporter Will Horton goes after his story

A little kid is about to beat up Aidan. Wait … did they replace Chase with another actor? Meanwhile, Hope doesn’t understand why Ciara isn’t enthused about their vacation to Mount Rushmore. Just what every kids dreams of.

Will comes in wearing one of the shirts from the Oakdale truck. Sonny asks if his editor was upset that he can’t write the article about Sami. Will tells him “I am going to write the article.”

Benoliver finally tells Abby the truth about him and Jammy Sue, and how they’ve been on the run from their daddy for years.

Sonny’s Mood Chest Hair is set to “perplexed.” He doesn’t understand why Will would agree to write about Sami and Ej . “She’ll go nuts.” Will explains that the magazine is going to write the story anyway, but they don’t know about the affair, and if Will writes it, he can keep that juicy tidbit out of it. This way he can control the narrative.

They really should have picked a different town for Jammie Sue and Benoliver to come from. Every time i hear ’Poplar Bluff,” I think of Charlene from Designing Women. That was her home town. Yep, that’s how gay I am.

Nope, THIS is how gay I am. When Johnny came down talking about Abby, and how good her cupcakes were, and how much EJ loved Abby’s moist and delicious cupcakes, I thought of that episode of Golden Girls where Dorothy confesses to Rose about … Miles enjoying her cupcakes … and Rose calling Dorothy’s cupcakes dry and tasteless.

Sonny and Will finally confront Abby. Yes! Oh wait … they’re all nicey nice. Damn. They were worried about her, and want to know how she’s dealing with things. She’s shocked, telling them she wouldn’t blame them if they hated her, but Will says that after all the dastardly things he’s done, he’s fine with it. Abby lets it slip that Sami told Benoliver about the affair, and Will gets his dander up and runs out to find his mom.

Meanwhile, Sami tells EJ she can’t wait to destroy him, his father, and “his dear sweet little cupcake baking whore.”

You know what Jammie Sue and Benoliver are both thinking … “Where’s Gabi Hernandez when you need her.”

Will comes over to the mansion, and Sami tells him that EJ was just leaving with Johnny to go buy some “Cupcakes”, which is the most hostile the word “cupcakes” has ever been uttered. Will tells her that she needs to back off Abby. Oh, here we go.

Sonny tries to convince Abby that she’s not to blame, and she didn’t mean to hurt anyone. “Just like Sami is going off the charts in the rage department, you need to dial back your guilt a little.” Abby finally admits that this isn’t the first time she’s gone after someone else’s man. Finally!

Will tries telling Sami that none of this would have happened if EJ hadn’t gone to the cabin to try to stop Abby from talking to Hope, so it all comes back to that moment at the river. So it’s … Nick’s fault! He then reminds her that she has done far worse in her life than what Abby did.

YES! Will and Sami go at it bigtime. As their voices raise, Sami accuses him of thinking this is all karma for what she’s done, and Will sort of doesn’t think that’s true, but tells her she needs to stop punishing Abby, and Sami tells him that she plans on destroying the little slut. Will then GOES THERE, and reminds her “When I came in and saw you and EJ going at it, right there on that couch, which i had to experience again and again in searing B&W for months afterward, while you were married to Rafe, what does that make you? An even bigger slut!” SAMI SLAPS HIM ACROSS THE FACE.

Sami apologizes, but explains that the circumstances were completely different. And she’s hurt that Will is taking Abby’s side over her. Will says “I’m warning you to leave her alone,” and Sami tells him “I stand warned.” Why do I get the feeling Will is about to f*ck his mother over in print?

That’s it! Thanks for joining me.

80's Pop Culture Expert, Shooting At The Walls Of Heartache.