Liveblogging “Days Of Our Lives” Night Of The Living Dork

Note to Sami, Kate, and Gabi: Before you dump a body in the river … make sure he’s dead

Okay, does anyone else get a definite “Three Witches” vibe when Sami, Kate, and Gabi are together?

Woo-Hoo! Take me to the river … We get another look at the hilarious body dumping scene. This is what I want from my soap operas, dammit! Nick feels the cold water and springs to life, grabbing at Sami while Kate and Gabi scream … bloody murder … sorry.

The current pulls Nick away, as Gabi screams “He’s alive!” Sami responds “Well, not any more.” Oh Sami, sometimes I do adore you.

Will and Sonny are still wearing their eggplant finest. Will apologizes for telling Sonny he was making him choose between him and Ari. But what made Sonny came home? Sonny says, “I ran into your mother.” Will quips “And so you ran shelter? That’s a good call.” Sonny tells him it actually went well, and he told her what happened, and she said something that stuck with him “No matter how crazy things get, I should never forget that you love me.”

They both apologize, and kiss sweetly. But Will is curious. If Sami knows he’s thinking of moving to NY, why isn’t she here breaking the door down? Sonny tells him that Sami acted like she had something more important to do. Will says “More important than running my life? Oh my god, please tell me she’s not doing something crazy again.”

Gabi tries to jump in after Nick, but Kate stops her, saying the water is freezing, and the current will drown her. Gabi screams at Sami “You said he didn’t have a pulse! You said he was dead!” Sami responds “What am I, a doctor?” I am so glad I liveblogged today.

Lucas! He comes over to see the baby, and Will is about to break the news about Gabi’s modeling deal. Meanwhile, The Pointer Sisters decide that the next step is to get rid of Nick’s backpack, so they weight it down with stones and toss it into the … river? Wait, that looks like a wading pool. OOPS! They leave behind part of the backpack, aka a future key piece of evidence.

Gabi is at the water’s edge, and I can’t be the only one praying for Nick to reach up, Jason Vorhees style. But it doesn’t happen, and Sami nonchalantly tells Gabi ’Just try and forget about it.” Ha! Yeah, she doesn’t have your experience with this, Sami.

Will tells Lucas he’s thinking of going to NY, and Sonny comes out with Ari and tells Will he can’t be without her or him, and “Manhattan needs a Club TBD”

Cuckoobananarama decide they’ll keep the secret for the sake of the children, but Gabi has her doubts.

Kate and Sami sit a crying Gabi down and counsel the newbie. OMG, i just realized why this scenario seems so familiar. This is SO Noxeema and Vida counseling Chi Chi in To Wong Foo.

Gabi is a complete basketcase. Oh great. If she’s annoying when she’s stable, how bad is it going to be if she keeps falling apart. She decides to go home to the apartment, while Kate and Sami plot their next move. They’ll make it appear that Nick went to New York, and take it from there. Kate mentions if it doesn’t work out, they’re going to be fitted with orange jumpsuits. Sami says, “Again.”

And now I want Ejeric to happen.

So Sami lost one of her earrings at the crime scene. Or maybe Nick is gripping it in his cold dead (but obviously alive) hand.

Gabi comes home and is immediately grilled by the guys why she looks like bedraggled hell. She tells them “I have something to tell you” OMG, she is so not going to tell them about Nick!

Brady finds out that he’s been duped by a Kristen wannabe, and he’s about to go all Rob Ford.

Will and Sonny ask Gabi what’s wrong, and she has a SEARING B&W FLASHBACK to just a few minutes ago. She tells them she’s not going to NY, and Will grabs her and won’t let go. Careful Will, the last guy who did that … regretted it.

That’s it! Thanks for joining me. We’ll be back next week.

80's Pop Culture Expert, Shooting At The Walls Of Heartache.