Paul is about to discover the secrets, and as for the thighs? Derrick is on today.

Marlena comes over to babysit Ari while Sonny leaves to visit Caroline. Will is going ti meet him there since he's on a "special errand." Which means he's in the park with Derrick, wondering what the hell Derrick did to make him pull away and go running to Sonny. He asks "Did you use the information I gave you," and Derrick responds "Yeah, that's how I got as far as i did." Yeah, I think your thighs might deserve some credit, too. "Then what did you do to make him pull away" Derrick tells him he did the best he could, but Paul is "still in love with your husband."

Paul and John are enjoying breakfast and wondering how long it'll take for "Narita" to conquer the world when a smug Kate interrupts, saying "I do hope you're proud of this young man. He's going to do great things for Mad World. A word of advice, though, you need to find a place outside of Salem. You need to start thinking about your privacy, especially with that HOT NEW BOYFRIEND." John almost chokes on his coffee.

Kate says "Uh-Oh, you haven't told new dad about Derrick?" Paul tells her that his personal life is none of her business," and she responds "Hey, as long as you stay away from my grandson and his husband, i don't care how many bellboys you sleep with." I love this broad. John has had enough, and hustles Kate away from the table, telling her to back off from his son. Kate tells him "I'm happy Paul is boning up a storm, because it means he'll stay away from Sonny and Will. I assume you and Marlena are on the same page when it comes to their marriage, right?"

John comes back to the table, and asks about Derrick. Paul says 'It's nothing special, and never will be."

Sonny tells Marlena that things with Will are fine, and they even went out with Paul and his new piece. Meanwhile, Will doesn't understand why Derrick would suggest that Paul is still in love with Sonny "He slept with you last night!" Derrick says "No one said he was a monk, Will." Um, actually, we've all been saying that for months.

Will realizes that his Big Bang Derrick Theory plan hasn't worked, and he's crushed. Derrick tells him that he would love to have a real relationship with Paul, but it's not going to happen. It's clear that Paul is sorry he didn't marry Sonny when he had the chance.

Marlena asks if everyone being friends wouldn't make Sonny uncomfortable, and Sonny lies and says no. Ari starts bellowing in the back, and Marlena tells Sonny to take off, and she'll take over. Back in the park, Will tells Derrick that he and Sonny have worked through their problems, but Derrick logically asks 'Then why are you working your ass off to get me with Paul?" Well, technically, Derrick, you're the one who's doing that.

John asks Paul "So this Derrick is just some rando?" and then stops himself. "If there's one thing i've learned from Brady, it's to stop sticking my nose in my sons' life. So, I just want you to be happy, Paul." Paul tells him he is, and he's glad he came back to get to know him. But it feels weird calling him John. John says "Why don't we fix that? Why don't you call me dad?" Paul replies "sounds good. Dad." TEARS START WELLING.

Will and Sonny arrive at the hospital to see Caroline, and run into Theresa. She should really have more scenes with the guys. What gay doesn't love a villainess?

Suddenly Paul is at the pub with Derrick, and Derrick tells him he had a great time last night. Paul says "I'm glad you brought that up, because I think we need to clear the air about a few things." Why do I feel a "It's not you, it's me" line coming.

Paul tells him not to read anything into what happened last night, and Derrick lies and says "Yeah, we were just having fun." Paul is glad he understands that it was just a little slap and tickle. Derrick asks him about breakfast with his John, and Paul says it went great, and he's now calling him dad. Derrick says "Wow, that's a dream come true, right? Soon you'll be playing ball with him at Golden Gate park." Uh-Oh. Paul says wait a minute ... "How did you know that was my dream?" Oh Derrick.

Derrick is all hummana-hummana-hummana you told me, remember? Paul says no, he didn't, and Derrick says "Oh, I must have read it in that article," and Paul says no, it wasn't in the article. "So you wanna tell me how you knew?"

A nurse tells Will and Sonny it's time to leave, and they kiss Caroline goodbye and tell her how much they love her. BTW, you do realize that the only reason they gave Caroline a stroke is so that Serena could have a non-Poochie exit?

Will and Sonny arrive home (Sonny's dirty diaper-dar is up full blast), and take over from Marlena. Meanwhile, Paul wants to know how Derrick knew all of these intimate things about him. Derrick finally breaks down and admits that it was all Will's idea. He gave Derrick all of the info from his interview sessions to be able to seduce him. Paul looks shocked and says "unbelievable."

Seriously?

That's it! Thanks for joining me!