Liveblogging “Days Of Our Lives:” The Mystery Of Asshat Island

When Gabi and Nick are abducted, will the clues lead Will and Sonny into … DANGER? Hmm …If Gabi and Nick are both gagged … maybe they should count their blessings and leave well enough alone. Join us for the drama at 1 PM ET!

This is a big week, so I’ll be liveblogging Today, tomorrow, Wednesday, and Thursday. Not sure about Friday, but we’ll let you know!

Perhaps during this week we’ll also be able to to solve The Mystery Of Sonny’s Shirt.

We start with Hope realizing that she was never sent the report on Jensen. Ciara realizes she made an awful mistake by hiding it, and tries to come up with some way to blame Johnny.

Today’s show is already quickly moving. We see Jensen hold a Coat Gun against Gabi and Nick, as Will and Sonny witness from behind a fern.

Sami blows up at EJ, asking him if he had something to do with Rafe’s assault. He tells her to go to hell, and storms off. Meanwhile, Officer Dayplayer is yelled at by Hope, who tells him he should have handed the report to her personally, but he tells her that he left it on her desk, and told Ciara to tell her about it. Ciara calls Officer Dayplayer a liar. Oh honey, you just made your first soap pre-bitch mistake.

Jensen takes Gabi and Nick away, and Sonny is prepared to call 911. Will … stops him … and tells him THEY SHOULD FOLLOW THEM INSTEAD.

EJ comes back to the mansion, with Hurricane Sami right behind him. You know she’s pissed because her mood hair extension has turned from serene blue to HOT PINK.

Jensen takes Gabi and Nick to Smith Island, with Will and Sonny right behind. Okay, I’m going to ignore the fact that they all must have taken a boat, or boats … but somehow Will and Sonny were not seen. Jensen pulls out his gun and talks about his days in solitary confinement because of Nick, and tells Nick, “You picked a good day to die.” He points the gun, and Nick and Gabi grab each other and collapse to the ground, as Sonny holds Will back.

Hope tells Ciara that what she did was wrong. Seriously wrong. Ciara responds with ’I thought we were going to go have pizza?” Umm … are we sure that Sami isn’t Ciara’s mother?

Will and Sonny can’t find a signal on their phones (damn, if only someone had thought of calling 911 before they floated to a remote island), as Jensen pistol whips Nick, the orders him and Gabi to get moving. You know, as many times as I’ve fantasized about Nick getting pistol-whipped, the reality just doesn’t measure up. Sad.

Chad is back to his Eddie Munster hair.

Jensen takes Gabi and Nick to a workshop in the woods, and ties them up. Sonny and Will watch from the window and formulate the perfect plan. Sonny will rush in and distract Jensen with his shirt, then while Jensen is momentarily blinded, Will will knock him out with a mood swing.

EJ tells Sami that they’re replaying all the old drama they had, and if she doesn’t believe him, she should just take that ring off right now.

And Ejami are about to DEFILE ANOTHER SOFA. Thanks God Will is on Smith island.

Jensen explains why he went after Rafe. Basically, it was mistaken identity. He heard Gabi on the phone asking Nick to pick up a muffin, and when he saw the bakery bag in Rafe’s hand, thought he was Nick. He had already bludgeoned him a few times before he realized his mistake, but by then it was too late. So … everything was Muffin Loving Gabi’s fault.

Jensen hears something outside and goes to investigate, allowing Will to sneak in and untie Gabi. Before he can get to Nick, Sonny rushes in and says Jensen is right behind him. Will convinces Sonny to take Gabi away to safety while he rescues Nick. Sonny agrees, reluctantly, and he leaves with Gabi. Will tries to cut Nick free, but Nick says, “Will, just leave me to die, and no one will ever know. Just go.” And so begins the Redemption Of Nick Fallon.

Nick tells Will that this is not his fight, but a sweat-drenched Will tells him that as soon as Jensen pointed a gun at Gabi and the baby, it became his fight. They hear Jensen come back, and Will runs and hides. Meanwhile, Gabi and Sonny get to the dock, but Sonny decides to go back when Will and Nick don’t show up. There’s just one problem … Gabi is in labor!

That’s it! Thanks for joining me. We’ll be back tomorrow!

80's Pop Culture Expert, Shooting At The Walls Of Heartache.