Miss Madonna Louise Ciccone has made headlines for everything from burning crosses and making a book about her hush, to incidents of possible lip syncing and giving the rap game a try, but no matter how many pop stars she kisses or secret videos she very publicly makes, no moment in the life of M will ever be as shocking or baffling as those few months back in 1990 when she gave it a go with Robert Matthew Van Winkle, a man we all know as Vanilla Ice.
We are all of course well aware of this fun fact, as Mr. Van Winkle never lets a moment go by when he does not remind anyone and everyone about this bright moment in his life. And now, the star of reality gems like The Surreal Life, Dancing On Ice, The Farm, Celebrity Bull Riding Challenge and Canada Sings is at it again, talking all about how Madonna wore crazy costumes for all those sexy dates the two went on back in the day. Crazy old person costumes!
In a recent interview with a Canadian dude, in which he was no doubt promoting yet another reality show, VI said:
Like, we would go to movies. We had disguises. I had a mustache and a hat with hair coming down, and she would go as an old lady. And we would walk in and the bodyguards would [be] like 20 feet behind. Ya know, kinda lookin’ just like we’re nobody. And just walk in and go and see our movie and just have a good, normal… we’d do dinner that way and nobody would ever recognize us. It was the greatest.
It sounds the greatest!
So Madonna totally used Van Ice for sex, right? And was just embarrassed to be seen with him in public, especially with this hairy hat of his, and called Debi Mazar after these dates and they laughed and laughed and laughed, yes? We’re not judging, as we too would give everything to be used by our favorite British speaking gal from Detroit.
Because, let’s be honest, Madonna has had more high profile relationships than pretty much anyone ever in the history of the world, from Sean Penn, Guy Ritchie and some Brazilian model, to Sandra Bernhard, Warren Beatty and some French breakdancing model, and you know M wasn’t throwin’ on no shawl and orthopedic kicks Sophia Petrillo style to go hang at the Kabbalah Center with these kids.
Then again, Mr. Ice could be exaggerating about the whole thing. This is a man, after all, who once claimed to glow in the dark.
Watch him talk it out in the video above. Also, Vanilla is aging very, very well.
And since you made it all the way down here, let’s enjoy some “Ice, Ice Baby,” a song that totally sounds nothing at all like “Under Pressure.”