Meme: Decorating Nick Carter’s Junk, Ariana & Frankie Grande Wish You a Merry Titmas, Joan Rivers Still Bitter About Jennifer Lawrence

Jesse Jackson speaks out against Phil Robertson, 10th Circuit denies stay in Utah, the Doctor Puppets celebrate Christmas

Joan RiversJoan Rivers can’t stop talking about Jennifer Lawrence’s criticism of the fashion commentary industry. “My New Year’s resolution is [ensuring] Jennifer Lawrence grows up and realizes how lucky she is and calms down. I love that she’s telling everyone how wrong it is to worry about retouching and body image, and meanwhile, she has been touched up more than a choir boy at the Vatican. Look at her posters. She doesn’t have a nose, she has two holes. She just has to learn, don’t talk if you’re doing it. She’s an amazing actress. She’s the next Meryl Streep.” Oh, Joan, your jealousy is showing. Those touchups are just what JLaw is talking about. And good job using sexual abuse as a joke.

Chick-Fil-A says that the online movement to stage a big eat in at their restaurants January 21 for Chick-Phil-A Day supporting Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson isn’t a company sponsored event and they know nothing about it.

Speaking of Phil, Sarah Palin admits that she didn’t even read his comments before speaking out in support of him, but her often mentioned gay friend supports Phil and is planning on boycotting A&E over his suspension. Let’s be honest, nobody has ever tracked down Palin’s gay friend, and it’s probably unlikely that they were watching Jesse JacksonDuck Dynasty to begin with.

Jesse Jackson is adding his voice to the criticism of Phil’s racially insensitive remarks, saying “These statements uttered by Robertson are more offensive than the bus driver in Montgomery, Alabama, more than 59 years ago. At least the bus driver, who ordered Rosa Parks to surrender her seat to a white person, was following state law. Robertson’s statements were uttered freely and openly without cover of the law, within a context of what he seemed to believe was ‘white privilege.’”

What did we get stuck in our rectums this year?

Out philanthropist Robert W. Wilson, who leaped to his death Monday from the 16th floor of his apartment planned everything out. The 87-year-old’s health was failing, and friends say he researched different ways to go, and decided leaping, while dramatic, seemed the way to go with little fanfare. He Robert W. Wilsonleft a note, which considering the circumstances, was lighthearted. “I had a rewarding life. Thank you and goodbye to all my friends. Please make sure you cancel all my plans. Tell everyone what I did. I’m not ashamed of killing myself. Sell all my stuff.”

The 10th Circuit in Utah has denied the stay of Judge Shelby’s decision bringing marriage equality to the state, but did endorse an expedited appeal. Based on the rulings in California, this could set us up for a “can’t take it away once it’s happened” ruling, but the state will likely asked the Supreme Court for a stay pending appeal.

A bill in Israel that would extend the same tax credits to male couples as heterosexual couples passes a preliminary reading. A deal created Christmas Eve would allow passage of the bill with details to be worked out in committee. The way tax credits currently work, according to PinkNews, is that higher credits are extended to mothers, excluding male same-sex couples.

I have no idea if these spoilers on the ornament at TV Line are real or not, but if they are, expect the Glee fandom to explode.

On McDonald’s internal employee self help page, one of the tips for living better is to avoid eating fast food, complete with pictures of what appears to be Greg LupferMcDonald’s food in the “don’t” column.

Colorado State Defensive Line Coach Greg Lupfer has been suspended for two weeks for using a gay slur picked up by EPSN’s cameras during the Washington State game. Athletic director Jack Graham suspended him for two weeks without pay, ordered anger management and diversity training. And the bonus is that Lupfer seems to be accepting what he did was wrong. “I accept these consequences—two weeks without pay and the training programs—and I am thankful for this second chance to continue coaching at Colorado State and be a part of the Ram Family. I am deeply sorry for my behavior, which does not represent who I am or my values. I embrace the opportunity to participate in anger management and diversity sensitivity training. I was angry and careless with my words, and my words hurt many people. I sincerely apologize to the GLBTQ community for causing pain by using a slur without considering its meaning. I take ownership of my words and fully understand why people are very upset.”

And for today’s must-read, one of those pieces that I can’t possibly summarize and do justice, Duck Dynasty’ Defenders: Have You Committed the Sin of Gluttony? Seriously, go read it, take notes. You’ll want to be able to quote this to people.

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That Awkward Moment continues to try and win us over with a viral video campaign (did they not think Zac Efron’s bare ass was enough?), with these holiday wishes, which include a rap and Zac beat-boxing. Just take your shirt off already, we’ll buy tickets! Drop trou and we’ll pony up for 3D!

We mostly know Funky Trunks for sponsoring our beloved Matthew Mitcham, but today they have Melbourne Heart players Jeremy Walker and Andrew Redmayne showing off their wares in a video appropriately called “Ball Control,” which is exactly what you want from pair of trunks, right?

The Backstreet Boys dropped by MTV to decorate a Christmas tree, but quickly got bored and began decorating Nick Carter’s junk. Now that’s the kind of trimming parties I used to get invited to when I lived in the city!

The Doctor Puppets are back with a Christmas wish for you, and trust me, they’re ready to embrace the spirit of the annual Christmas episode, which I haven’t watched yet because I was writing this Meme, so no spoilers in the comments until at least noon!

For no reason other than it amused the hell out of me, here is Ariana Grande and her brother Frankie singing a medley of Christmas songs while replacing key words with “tits.” Did I mention Frankie frequently loses his shirt?

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