Meme: Tilda Swinton Is Ancient, “The Bachelorette” Gay Baits, Fred Armisen As “Golden Girls” Sophia

Josh Duggar sued DHS, Joe Manganiello fine with being eye candy, Fox and Friends fails manhood test

Chris PineChris Pine is in negotiations to play the love interest for Gal Gadot in Wonder Woman.  What amuses me is that’s basically what the headline I read on the story said. And I read a lot of casting news, and rarely do you see a male actor billed as “the love interest.” Most of the time they say “the male lead” or something to that effect if the picture is female led, but seldom does that privilege extend to actresses.  Wonder Woman salutes the feminism of that reporting.

Britain, I would like you to explain something. Why do you have television programs about young people acting badly, but with cameras following them that their mums are watching? Why do you young men get naked in public all the time? Why do they hump each other all the time if they’re straight? Why does the BBC blur out their penises sometimes, but other times allows them to whip them around in plain view? And how to you maintain a reputation for a prim and proper populace while all this is happening?

The Bachelorette is baiting audiences in a new promo that two of the guys may have fallen for each other. Clint seems to have given up on Kaitlyn. “Falling in love with a man never crossed my mind…Kaitlyn’s not the right girl for me…I love JJ, so I need the rose tonight. We’ve gotten very close in the shower.” Then ABC teases “This Brokeback Bachelor will blow your Joe Manganiellomind.” The video autoplays, so you can judge for yourself. Is there any way that this can stick the landing and end up being sweet and not offensive? And if it’s going to be offensive anyhow, can we get video of those showers?

Joe Manganiello is fine with being seen as a piece of meat. He doesn’t mind at all. “Why would I? I don’t think men care why women like them, as long as they do. That’s the point of the nerd in high school who makes it big. You work that hard for a reason. You want to have access to the dating pool.” Can we send that in a telegram to Kit Harington and Pietro Boselli?

Today in Duggar news, seven more advertisers have jumped ship, and a couple more have declared that even if the show comes back, they won’t buy time. There are a lot of big names that dropped the show here, but ConAgra is probably the biggest hit. That food company has a million brands to buy for.

It seems at one point in the Duggar molestation scandal, The Department of Human Services was brought in to investigate the home and see if it was safe for Josh to remain there. So Josh sued them. The results of the trial are sealed, but why sue DHS if they didn’t try and put restrictions on you?

Evidently the reason that TLC and the Duggars are so quiet about the show is that they’re trying to make a plan to spin off the two eldest daughters into their own show about them starting their own gigantic families, and will let 19 Kids and Counting die, and hope that everyone will forget about Josh… which is cynical even for Hollywood.

Finally, InTouch has landed an interview with the cop who took the report on Josh molesting his sisters, who is serving prison time for child porn. And he says that Jim Bob Duggar lied about what happened in the home, and said it was one incident, not multiple incidents over three years, which is why he didn’t escalate the investigation. According to the trooper, he was told “Josh had inappropriately touched [redacted] during the time she was asleep. He said he touched her through her clothing and he said it only happened one time.” Now he says he regrets not following up. “I have lost a lot of sleep over it. I am a Christian myself and I worry that something else may have happened. I would be responsible for it, in my opinion, by not Derecreporting it. The young girl should have been my first priority.” So says the man serving 56 years for child pornography.

Evidently on MTV this week, they aired True Life: I Hate My Butt. Two of the people profiled were women who were trying to get a big booty, but one was Derec, a college baseball player with booty for days, and he hates it. He says it brings him unwanted attention, and he gets groped sometimes. “All I want is the respect of my peers and to wear a normal pair of pants.” He eventually goes on a diet to lose his caboose. Derec, from all us flat butted guys out there desperately doing squats, and all us butt guys, we beg you, keep that magnificent ass.

For all those guys out there that are growers and not showers

A new study says that gay men in Iceland are the happiest, followed by Norway, Denmark and Sweden. The United States ranks 26 on the list, while the least happy gay men live in places where they’re likely to go to jail or be executed like Kazakhstan, Ghana, Cameroon, Iran, Nigeria, Iraq, Kyrgyzstan, Ethiopia, Sudan and Uganda

Remember all those stories about digital sex over long distances? Kiiroo Onyx is one of those tools, which makes it basically a connected fleshlight with motors. It can be paired with the Pearl, which is the dildo version. It can also be paired with a second Onyx for male/male action. Basically you swap digital codes, and what happens on the Pearl you feel in the Onyx. Women get a raw deal here, because there’s basically no feedback for them, the Onyzx is basically a vibrating dildo they can use on themselves, but when they stroke it or, uh, insert it, Aaron Moodysensations are fed back to the Onyx for the male’s enjoyment. If you have two Onyx paired up, it’s basically like jerking each other off over the internet.

In case you’ve been under a rock this past week, a very famous Tumblr user whose username was bigwhitec*ck20 has been outed as 19 year old British footballer Aaron Moody. I’m not entirely sure the 20 was about his age, because it could be a measurement. The link takes you to just the bulge, and another very NSFW link to the third leg in all its glory. I don’t even see how he runs on the pitch with that thing. Does he play at an elite level? I get so confused by the football leagues in Britain.

Germany moved to give more rights to civil partnerships in the wake of Ireland voting for marriage equality, but will not move for marriage itself, according to a spokesperson for Angela Merkel. “Today was an important milestone in dismantling discrimination and the chancellor is pleased about that. But same-sex marriages are not a goal of this government. Every country makes its own laws – some countries go one route while others go another. In Germany we’ll take a path that suits Germany.”

Fox and Friends hosts Brian Kilmeade and Scott Brown decided to take a “manhood test” from former Navy SEAL Derrick Van Orden’s book Book of Man: A Navy SEAL’s Guide to the Lost Fox and FriendsArt of Manhood. They did manage to tie a tie themselves, which is good considering they wear one each day, but when it came time to change a tire, it was a disaster so bad that Saturday Night Live, which excels at spoofing the show, could not have topped it. I mean, who can’t change a tire? My father insisted I understood how to do that before he allowed me to have a license, not because it was part of manhood, but because it was part of being able to operate a motor vehicle.

Remember how cool ThinkGeek is? Their gadgets, their April Fool’s Day jokes, their Unicorn Meat? Well, that’s over because Hot Topic, home of teens who want to pretend they’re depressed so their parents lift their curfew has bought them out.

Tilda SwintonTilda Swinton is in talks to join Doctor Strange. She’s going to play the ancient monk The Ancient One, which is male in the comic, but let’s face it, Marvel could change that for the movies and strike a blow for feminism. Or Swinton could just play male, which would also strike a blow, and it’s within her wheelhouse.

Kazakhstan’s Constitutional Council has struck down the nation’s gay propaganda law, saying the law was “not in line with the constitution of the Republic of Kazakhstan.” But most people think it was an effort to keep their bid for the 2022 Winter Olympics, in which it’s now competing with China, as Oslo has dropped out of the bidding.

Germans are quitting the church in record numbers to get out of paying taxes to the churches. If you were baptized into the church, you are automatically a member of the church and the government holds a tax out of your earnings that is paid to the church, and gives you access to church schools and day care. But a legal change, which would extend that tax to capital gains has people formally renouncing their faith to save some money. Quitting the church has George Takeiramifications beyond losing access to schools. If you’re Catholic, you can’t be excommincated, but you are barred from communion and confession, which as I understand it means you’re going to hell. So faith is only important until it dips into your retirement fund. And I thought that just having churches be tax exempt in the United States was bad.

George Takei’s Allegiance has completed casting and announced that previews will begin October 6, with opening night scheduled for November 8. The autobiographical play covers the three years that Takie’s family was rounded up and sent to Japanese-American detainment camps during World War II and how they rebuilt their lives.

The guys at ASAP Science say we’re all drinking our coffee wrong. I knew that because they won’t let me take it intravenously. But seriously, my alarm goes off at 4:05AM and I’m not waiting until 9AM to drink my coffee because it’s optimum. I’d fall asleep at the wheel driving to the gym. Besides, if I don’t have coffee first thing in the morning, how am I going to poop?

Jenny Lewis has put together a cute video for her song “She’s Not Me” that spoofs things that many gay men hold dear, like Troop Beverly Hills and The Golden Girls. Fred Armisen makes a perfect Sophia, don’t you think?

While people have worried that gay weddings will keep raising the bar on ceremonies until no one can compete, I like the puppet wedding that Joe and Tammy put together. And they didn’t tell their guests in advance, so this was all a surprise they worked out with the L.A. Puppet School, which is evidently a thing that I need to visit.

Seattle, it seems cutie Matt Doyle was disappointed in your comic stores

It’s not easy to add swag to bocci ball, but I think they’ve done it.

He did warn every that there was not going to be a flamingo on the red carpet, just him

Well, he is an old soul

Now I want Dairy Milk Chocolate even more than I do on a regular day

She wins high school

Then End

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