Okay, so earlier today, when I saw the news that Meryl Streep and Hillary Clinton were chumming around at the Kennedy Center Honors Gala, I had two thoughts:
(1) Holy Cats, I hope Chris Spargo has seen this, because it is the distilled essence of diva fabulousness, and he will appreciate it.
(2) If Meryl Streep played Hillary Clinton in a movie, then the world would explode in joy.
Well, Christmas is coming early, y’all, because I’ve already gotten one of my wishes. When I opened NNN a few minutes ago, I saw Chris Spargo’s glittering announcement that our ladies are now BFFs! The angels sang as I read his item, because all was right with the heavens and the earth.
So now let’s focus on my second wish, shall we? Here are three pitches for the Meryl-as-Hillary movie. Tell me which one you like best, and then we’ll sell that version to a Big Fancy Studio.
(1) Rodham (Coming to theatres November 2014)
In his modern-day response to Lincoln, Steven Spielberg creates a stirring portrait of the life, legacy, and power of Hillary Rodham Clinton (played by three-time Academy Award winner Meryl Streep.) The film follows Rodham’s historic term as Secretary of State, with a thrilling, lyrical script by George Clooney and Beau Willimon (The Ides of March). The action peaks with Madame Secretary’s work curtailing violence and supporting freedom during the Arab Spring. Audiences will marvel as, for the first time, they learn about the unseen bravery of a woman who was once just an unassuming girl from Illinois. Co-starring Clooney as Bill Clinton, Anthony Mackie as Barack Obama, and Natalie Portman as Chelsea Clinton.
(2) Give ’Em Hell, Hillary! (coming to theaters July 2015)
Is that a dagger in your pantsuit? In this “imaginary history,” Meryl Streep plays Hillary Clinton as the Secretary of Kicking Ass and Taking Names. Though she’s professional and composed in front of the cameras, Hillary spends her private time giving bad guys a taste of old-fashioned American justice. Streep, in her first action role since The River Wild, performs her own stunts as she chops and slaps her way through would-be terrorists and Republicans with sassy mouths. Starring John Slattery as Bill Clinton, Jamie Foxx as Barack Obama, and Brad Pitt as the mysterious Dr. Shivers.
(3) Barry and Hill Are Live on Stage (coming to theaters April 2016)
Oh, politics! You never know what will happen next! After the end of his second term, Barack Obama (Forest Whitaker) realizes that he just doesn’t know what to do with himself, and during one of his morning walks around the Washington Mall, he runs into his frenemy Hillary Clinton (Meryl Streep), who’s aimlessly checking her phone to see if Chelsea has sent her a text. After a few awkward hellos, Barry and Hill eventually realize what will spruce up their lives: A traveling show! In this hilarious new comedy from Judd Apatow (with a script by Tina Fey), Barry and Hill become the number one traveling act in America, mastering stand-up comedy, song, and dance at sold-out theaters from Wilmington to Walla Walla. And when an unexpected emergency brings the co-stars closer than ever, they learn that partnerships don’t have to end on stage. With Viola Davis as Michelle Obama, Kristen Wiig as Tammy Baldwin, and a special appearance by Joe Biden as himself.
Mark Blankenship would happily see any of these movies. He tweets as @IAmBlankenship