We begin, as we often do, at the Community Center. There, Simon watches from afar as a Medium holds court in the main activity area, bringing messages from the dead to the very living audience members. Suddenly, he points to Simon and tells him that he has a message for him from… Sally. Simon is freaked out, considering that Sally is probation worker he accidentally killed in the first season of the show
The Medium tells him that Sally has just one question for him. She just wants to know…”Why?” Simon backs into the hallway, terrified. Suddenly a door closes behind him. He could swear that he saw someone walk through it. He follows, spying a woman just down the hall towards the exit door. She turns towards him. It’s Sally. Wordlessly, she exits. Simon chases after her but when he opens the door, she’s gone.
Simon finds Alisha and tells her that he’s just seen a ghost. Rudy, listening in, hears as ‘goat’, which is ridiculous. Zombie cats, yes. But goats?
Little does he know that, in the distance, Sally is watching.
Meanwhile, Kelly pays a visit to Seth’s office but she’s none too happy. Seth is still dealing powers. This is highly upsetting to Kelly because it was power dealing that led to Seth’s dead girlfriend coming back to life and attempting to turn her into a flesh-eating monster. Yes, I just got paid to write that sentence. Ka-ching!
Seth tells her that his last customer just wanted the power to make beverages caffeinated (which is a cool power) but Kelly is wise and points out that she once knew a psychopath who murdered people by telepathically controlling dairy products.
Seth reminds her that he earns his money this way and, oh dear, tells her that she doesn’t seem to mind it when he’s spending that cash on her. Since Kelly has no anger issues whatsoever, she calmly throws a chair at his head and calls him a “dick”. She storms out.
At Simon’s loft, his vision gets all tunneled the way it does when he’s seeing something in the future. In his future vision, he’s visited by Sally again. She asks why she killed him before she could repay him what he’s owed, which is a kiss that she promptly delivers.
Simon snaps out of it when Alisha walks into the room. With an extremely guilty look on his face and, presumably, a future boner, Simon tells her that he’d never do anything to hurt her.
“That sounds like you’re about to do something that’s going to hurt me,” she replies. Simon reassures her that he’s not. Alisha is dubious but lets the weird matter drop.
The next day, at the center, the gang arrives for duty — but seeing as they have lost their fourth Probation Worker, their duties remain unclear. Rudy is busily using a fire extinguisher to break into the vending machine. But, as with most things involving Rudy, the vending machine is getting the better of him.
Simon is in the bathroom washing up when Sally reappears.
“You’re supposed to be dead,” Simon tells her.
“That Medium guy brought me back,” she replies.
She apologizes for using him and his feelings about her to find out what happened to Tony, or Proby-Prime, if you will. If you recall, Sally and Tony were once engaged to be married until the gang killed him when the super storm turned Tony into a hulking murder machine.
She explains that she must have some unfinished business, otherwise, why would she be back. That unfinished business, she reasons, must be her feelings for Simon.
Alisha calls for him out in the hall. She deduces that Alisha and Simon are an item, which is a tad distressing for a ghost bent on getting back together with the teenage crush who impaled her skull. Simon leaves, but not before Sally makes him promise not to tell the others she’s still around.
The Medium arrives at the center and is confronted by the gang about bring back their supposed-to-be eternally sleeping grudge matches. He tries to lie his way out of things, but even Rudy doesn’t believe him. And when Rudy doesn’t fall for a lie, you’re real and truly f–ked.
Realizing that he’s not going to be able to get away without telling them the truth, he explains that before the storm, he was a fake Medium and after the storm, his powers enabled him to bring the dead back to finish their unfinished business.
Inside the center, the Medium asks whether Simon’s had any contact with Sally. He tells them he hasn’t seen her since the first day. Trying to conjure her again, Medium raises his hand and calls forth any spirit who wishes to communicate with the gang. Nothing happens, prompting Kelly to declare the whole thing a “load of bullocks”, except that behind them Rachel appears.
Who’s Rachel? Well, this is another season one bit of history. Rachel led a goody-goody cult with the power to brainwash anyone she wanted to, including various members of the ASBO 5. This was a huge problem until Nathan pushed her (and himself) off the roof of the building, resulting in her death and Nathan’s discovery that he was immortal.
While Medium beats a hasty exit, the gang reacts to Rachel’s return with a healthy dose of hostility, except Rudy who’s instantly smitten by the brainwashing beauty.
She apologizes for all that mind control stuff and they warn her that they will kill her again if she tries any funny stuff. Rudy, despite being but a glint in the writer’s eye when all this occurred, accepts her apology without hesitation.
When asked why she’s returned, Rachel explains that there is no God, which is terrible for her since she spent so much time, energy and unholy power being good all the time.
The gang suggests that perhaps she’s back to experience all of the things she’s denied herself when she was alive. Rudy then asks her if she’d like to see his penis.
To our shock, she replies, “F–k yes.”
If you ask me, I’d rather be a zombie cat.
Kelly steps outside for a smoke, only to find Seth waiting for her. Considering their last conversation, she’s just a wee bit on edge. But Seth tells her that he has something to show her.
He takes her back to his office, only the cool desk is gone. The place is empty.
“What’s all this?” she asks.
“I’m done dealing. You were right. I was behaving like a prick. I don’t want to lose you.”
She asks what he’s going to do now that he doesn’t have a business. He tells her that he has a lot of money saved up and they could go on a holiday, if she wanted.
“You should’ve kept the desk,” she tells him.
“So we could shag on it.”
They kiss, happily reunited. Your recapper is thrilled. Nothing bad had better happen to these two, or I swear to … oh wait, Rachel says God doesn’t exist. Crap. Then, I swear by the power of Greyskull. Because that totally exists.
Meanwhile, Simon finds a note from Sally taped to the inside of his locker. It tells him to meet her in the old storeroom… and bring chocolates. This cannot be good.
Kelly is returning from Cloud 9 back to the community center. She rounds the corner and freezes as she sees Tony. He spots her and calls out, but Kelly bolts. He chases after her.
At the community center, Rachel is drunk off of vodka. Dreamily, she eyes Curtis and sashays over to him, hiking up her skirt and sitting on him like he’s just paid for a lap dance. Alisha looks away, not wanting to see any part of this. However, Rudy can’t keep his eyes away.
Curtis forces Rachel off of him, shoving her roughly to the floor. Before anyone can react to this, Kelly suddenly barges in and locks the door. She tells them that ProbyPrime is back to kill them. Suddenly, he’s at the door, banging and trying to get inside.
They run, all the while Rachel is still trying to get Curtis to have sex with her. Rudy volunteers, explaining that he already has the erection for it.
All of the sudden, Tony is inside. Kelly grabs a fire extinguisher (the second time that one has been misused this episode — fire safety, people!) and blasts him over the head with it. Tony wrests the extinguisher away and explains that he’s not trying to kill anybody. He just wants to know why he’s back.
Curtis tells him that Sally is also back, thus telling him that he’s not the only probation worker they’ve killed. Man, you don’t know the half of it.
And Rachel is still wanting to have sex with Curtis. This time, however, he agrees — much to the chagrin of Rudy. And when they do it, Rachel exclaims that the experience is f–king brilliant.
In the storeroom, Sally is having an orgasm of her own. Fortunately, it’s only due to the chocolate she’s eating. Sally notices that Simon has become a more confident person, much to her relief. Before long, Sally is asking for Simon to fulfill another craving of hers… wine. Since he killed her, he feels that the only gentlemanly thing to do is fulfill her request.
Simon takes Sally back to the loft. As he freshens up in the bathroom — or tries to summon up some sort of resistance power, you choose — she finds the photo of Simon and Alisha in Los Vegas. She burns with jealousy. Simon’s phone is out and Sally sees that he’s getting a call from Alisha at that very moment.
She hits “ignore”.
Simon emerges. She tells him that what started originally as manipulation to get to the bottom of Tony’s disappearance, developed into real feelings of love and care for him. Simon tells her that he had a vision of them kissing, and Sally pounces on this information, telling him that since he killed her, he owes her a chance to prove that her affections towards him were real. This has to be the reason she’s returned.
She kisses him, and then slowly undresses before him. Simon tries to resist but profound guilt is weighing on him, literally forcing him in the wrong direction. They kiss again and she shoves him on the bed. She climbs on top of him and our focus shifts to Simon’s phone, propped up and filming the whole encounter.
Later, Simon is buttoning his shirt when he hears the loft door slam shut. Sally is gone.
Back at the community center, Rudy is instructing Rachel on the fine art of smoking. And she’s not smoking tobacco. Tony, still searching for Sally, finds them all just hanging out. Slowly, details of the terrible things that they’ve done and encountered — the three other dead probation workers, coma bodies, Rudy — start to come out.
Tony is disgusted with them, until Alisha reminds him that they have encountered things that were bigger, weirder and deadlier than Tony could know. And they’ve dealt with them in the only way they knew how. And if he has a problem with that, he can well and truly f–k himself.
Later, Alisha’s phone informs her that she has a message from Simon, which she opens. It’s a video — the subjects and content of which shocks her. Simon and Sally on the bed — their bed. She finds Simon in the locker room and confronts him. He tells her it isn’t what it looks like but she is beyond listening. She breaks it off with him and storms away.
Simon chases after her, but runs into Tony instead. Simon, not privy to the details about his return, grabs a fire extinguisher (again) and smashes Tony in the head. Tony is not having the greatest welcome back. When it’s clear that Tony isn’t attacking them, Simon demands to know what is going on.
Meanwhile, on the roof of the center, Alisha cries in pain and in disbelief. Sally appears behind her. When she was alive, Sally was ruthless and manipulative. And death hasn’t changed a thing. She grabs Alisha by the collar and is pushing her towards the edge of the roof.
She wants revenge after all. She wants Alisha to die and Simon to feel the pain of losing someone who died hating you. But just as Alisha is losing her fight with Sally, Tony and the gang appear.
Tony explains that the storm affected him too, and that his death was just the gang defending themselves. Revenge isn’t the purpose of their being back. Reunion is. Sally lets Alisha go and runs to Tony. The two kiss and fade away, their unfinished business now complete.
Simon explains to Alisha that they never had sex. He thought he had to kiss her to make up for her death at his hands. But he couldn’t go through with it. The only one he wants to be with is her. Alisha forgives him.
Simon and Alisha sneak away into the locker room to make love. And yes, in the unedited version, there is Simon’s naked backside. You’re welcome.
Rudy finds Rachel crying over the fact that she’s done everything she felt would help her move on, but nothing’s worked. Rudy (or is it Rudy2 because he’s sounding awfully sensitive) tells her that someone people get their purpose wrong. Sally thought her purpose was vengeance but it turns out…
Rachel has stopped listening at the word vengeance.
After stewing a bit, she grabs a box cutter and stalks over Curtis, Rudy and Kelly. They confront her, but back up when they see the sharp object in her hand. A door beside her opens. Alisha and Simon emerge.
Rachel swings. Alisha’s throat is slashed. Blood pours. She falls into Simon’s arms. Rachel disappears; her unfinished business is now complete.
Simon desperately tries to save Alisha. He can’t. Alisha dies in his arms.
It’s later. A pall has descended over the gang. Previously, there has always been a way to save people, even in death. Not this time. Curtis offers to resurrect her, but no one wants that. Alisha would definitely not want to come back as a zombie.
Simon then realizes that this is where it all begins. He isn’t waiting to become his future self. He already is that man.
He’s the Dark Rider now. And that’s exactly what he tells the gang.
Kelly has summoned Seth to the community center, and Simon asks him for Curtis’s old power. He put that power in the iguana that was tragically eaten by his zombie ex-girlfriend. But there is another power that is similar. Except that with this power, once you go back in time, you cannot return.
But first they need to get that power. It was sold to a man wanting to go back in time to be a pirate (“No one wants to shag a pirate”). Kelly flirts with him at the pub, gets him to leave with her and, together with Seth and Simon, forces him to give the power back.
The next day, Simon approaches Kelly and Seth. There’s another power he needs. The power to make himself immune to other powers. Seth knew of a power just like that… in fact it was the first power he ever sold. And he sold it to Simon a long time ago. Seth loans Simon ten grand so that he can purchase the ability from him when he travels back.
The funeral for Alisha takes place in the woods. It’s quiet. Lovely. For the others, it feels like the funerals for two of their friends instead of one. Soon, they’ll never see Simon again, either.
Simon retrieves his Dark Rider costume and his orange hoodie and says goodbye, for now, to the loft.
Later. Simon and the gang are on the roof. Simon says his goodbyes and turns. And just like that, he’s in the past. From the roof, he watches as his past self listens to Curtis, Kelly, Nathan and, finally, Alisha tell bawdy sex stories. Happier times. For Simon, now the work begins.
He purchases the immunity from Seth, then finds the loft and makes preperations to fix it up.
In the present, Rudy notes, with a touch of sadness, that Simon and Alisha will forever be in this loop. He doesn’t know if this is a happy ending or a sad one.
He, Kelly and Curtis look out upon the river. And unlike Simon, who’s path is set and certain, none of them knows what the future holds.
Misfits airs on Logo Friday nights at 10/9c. The on-air episodes are edited for U.S. television. The on-air episodes are edited for U.S. television. Want to see the show in its original version? (More cussing/nudity.) Unexpurgated season eps are available for viewing online at LogoTV.com!