Masturbation is bad, m'kay? At least according to this PSA produced by the Mormon Church, which compares fighting the urge to knock one out to getting into a firefight in Vietnam.

"The enemy is cruel, ruthless and relentless. We must not underestimate the danger,” narrates Kim B. Clark, president of Brigham Young University-Idaho.  (Who, it turns out, is not a woman.) “We must be vigilant and valiant.”

In the video, titled "Wounded on the Battlefield," Clark lays out how porn is the gateway drug to all kinds of ungodly behavior: “A lonely, confused young man gets addicted to pornography and stops going to church,” he intones. "His roommates know—but they do nothing to stop him."

Young people, if you think your roommate is practicing self-love it is your duty to barge in on them, lest they be  “spiritually wounded on the battlefield of the great war.”

No, they won't scream or punch you: "If you reach out in the spirit of love and humility," advises Clark, "you can help the spiritually wounded find the Savior."

Oh, wait. He doesn't want us to make them stop—he wants us to lend a hand. Okay, we can get behind that.