Morning Meme: NPH is the Smurfiest, John Barrowman Knows Nothing, Pygmy Goats and Egg Jokes

Today in news that may have briefly gotten me fired (again)
for taunting the editor (again), we find out that Neil Patrick Harris has been cast as the “lead human” in the new live
action/CGI Smurfs movie. NPH later confirmed this via Twitter, promising the
upset Spurf
to do his Smurfiest. I have to admit to a bit of cynicism, especially since it’s
been said that the Smurf village is in Central Park.

Wondering what Senator
Pretty Boy
is doing now that he’s leaving Brothers & Sisters? Turns out he’s heading to Parks & Recreation on NBC to spread his particular brand of
joy. I’m fine with this – I don’t watch Parks
& Recreation,
and unless he’s playing a gay penguin, I don’t have to

John Barrowman is
a busy, busy man. He’s got a new CD out. 
He’s got an evil role coming up on Desperate
. He’s meeting with Ryan
about a role on Glee (I’m
hoping hunky gay tennis coach who mentors Kurt).
And he clams up like Sergeant Schultz
when asked
about the
American version of Torchwood.

Hunky Scott Porter
is doing the backpacking college student/CIA operatives pilot for
The CW. This won’t end well. But I’m hoping it doesn’t end his role as possibly
omnisexual Sweaty Nestor on Caprica.

PETA may be able to get Dave
to get undressed, but I’m hoping they lose out in Germany. A couple
years ago, the world fell in love with a polar bear cub named Knut. Well, Knut is all grown up, and
looking to…live up to his name. But the female he’s into is a
cousin, so PETA thinks he should have his … name removed.

Google is getting ready to start being an Internet provider,
and believes in go big or go home. They have a plan to offer fiber based 100Gb
service, or about 100 times more than the speed you currently have. Topeka really
wants to be the trial, and renamed the town Google, Kansas for the month of
March to prove it.

Monday on The View,
Robert Pattinson said a lot of silly
things, like he had a physical allergy to vagina. He also said that Betty White was one of the sexiest
women in America. Betty has now responded, saying “Now THAT is a comedy line.”

If you follow this link, you will see a gallery of the 10 Worst Moose Knuckles At the Olympics. I think the
term “worst” is subjective – some are intriguing.

I hate to stereotype, and realize you’ll fry me for it, but I
just know gay men are somehow responsible for this new pet trend: Pygmy goats. They stand about 18
inches at the shoulder and weigh in around 60 lbs when fully grown, so they’re smaller than a
lot of dogs. But most cities classify them as farm animals, and there are
zoning issues.

Servicemembers United
did what they should have done years ago – called the bigot’s bluff. One of the
biggest weapons folks like Senator John
have pointed to in their opposition to repealing DADT was the letter supporting the policy
signed by 1,100 Flag Officers. Nobody checked the signatures though, and it urns out at least 200
are questionable, either faked, signed by power of attorney, or from folks kicked out of
the military due to scandal.  Does anybody check
the names on petitions taking away our rights, because this stinks.

Shoebox has an awesome list of New
Academy Award Categories
.  My
favorite is “Buckshot Award for Most Holes In Plot” but there are a lot of
close seconds.

For six months in 1969, the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers did
something amazing – they stopped Niagara Falls. I’ve been to the falls
twice, and was completely unaware of this bit of history. Head on over for some seriously amazing
pictures. And yes, I know stopping the American Falls is less impressive than
stopping the Canadian Falls, but no one has even suggested that.

Warner Brothers is going to bring Gilligan’s Island to the big screen in a remake of the TV series. I know that in order to be consistent, I should
hate this, but if they cast it right, I could actually enjoy
it. So who are we casting in this shipwreck that happens in the age of
satellite phones and GPS?

Someone has too much time on their hands, or they think they do. With this level of fascination with fast food burgers, their time on earth may be more limited that they think. Still, it’s a great illustration of why I couldn’t get a Hardee’s Chili Cheeseburger while living in Miami.

I’m not sure if that Midwest blue is Sonic, or just a grease stain.

Clever, but not how things work in my world.

It was a day of egg jokes.

Out Broadway cutie Matt Doyle (Spring Awakening, Gossip
) got a new haircut. And it’s fabulous. And my hair will never
do poofy things like that. 

I’d hate him for his hair if he weren’t adorable.

If you’re going to invest money decorating a Designated Smoking Room, this is an interesting way to go about it. Back when I smoked, it would have just egged me on.

They should market this as a peel-and-stick.

Like I need to explain why I’m showing this ad.

E! caught up with the cast of Modern Family, including Julie Bowen, Ty Burell (the actor seems nice), Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Eric Stonestreet, Ed O’Neill and Sofia Vergara. They all seem pretty delighted to be heading off to sunny Hawaii for filming. Did I mention it’s snowing in West Virginia again?

NASA and the Goddard Space Flight Center took hundreds of high-res photos to create the most detailed representation of our Big Blue Marble we’ve ever had. They also used them to create this animation. Yes, this is built of real photographs, not CGI.

Gossip Girl is back next week, and I hate to admit how much I enjoy that trashy show. Here we discover that Nate and Serena are having loud couch sex and bothering Blair. This means even the uber-wealthy are like the 2/3 of New Yorkers who hear their neighbors having sex.

It’s terribly sad that the funniest Saturday Night Live skit in years isn’t actually on SNL, but Funny or Die. The show has a history of doing presidential parodies, but the President Obama sketches have been kind of flat. So now they bring back all the previous presidential impersonators to give tips to the current impostor. It’s still not laugh-out-loud funny, but it’s better than it has been.

And finally, a Morning Musical Moment. Today we’ll wake up to the breezy sounds of Jason Mraz “We Sing, We Dance, we Steal Things” because it’s a happy song, it starts with “Wake up everyone” and because he’s always speaking up for equal rights.

Opinionated. You'll love to hate me